The witty, the profound, the nonsensical ...
"You can measure a man's worth by the breed of person he throws out of his office."
--Lord Julius
"Gee, it must be swell to be so perfect and odor-free."
--John Candy
"I bent my Wookie."
--Ralph Wiggum
"He's pure evil ... a mystery wrapped in twinkie."
--Jerry Seinfeld
"Naturally. It's much too dangerous to jump through the fire with your clothes on."
--Christopher Lee, The Wicker Man
"Finding exotic uses for what others ignore will make your special fortune."
--A fortune cookie
"Fame is a vapor, popularity is an accident and money takes wings. The only thing that endures is character."
--O.J. Simpson, in 1981
"I've got a barbed-wire tail and I don't care where I drag it."
--Jerry Sloan
"Cerebus doesn't have anything against ambition ... As long as it doesn't interfere with Cerebus' drinking."
--Cerebus
"This house has quite a long and colorful history. It was built on an ancient Indian burial groundm and was the setting of satanic rituals, witch burnings, and five John Denver Christmas specials."
--Mr. Burns
"You brave unfortunate souls--blasted by man's hubris and washed up on cruel shores--I who am simply blasted and washed up, salute you!"
--Hedwig
"Now I look at the years gone by
And wonder at the powers that be
I don't know why fortune smiles on some
And lets the rest go free"
--The Eagles, "The Sad Cafe"
"Can two people actually become one again? And if we're driving on the Autobahn when it happens, can we still use the diamond lane?"
--Hedwig
"Experience has taught me that every toothy grin hides an extra row of teeth."
--Bill McNeal, NewsRadio
"Don't flatter yourself, Marquis. You're not the anti-Christ. You're nothing but a malcontent who knows how to spell."
--Abbe Coulmier, to the Marquis de Sade in Quills
"'Satan sum et nihil humanum a me alienumpato.'" ("I am the devil and nothing human is foreign to me.")
--Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
"I am the Supreme Being. I’m not entirely dim."
--The Supreme Being, Time Bandits
"Living without hallucinations is like breathing with only one nostril."
--Weisshaupt, Church & State Volume I
"Everyone says that having power is a great responsibility. This is a lot of bunk. Responsibility is when someone can blame you when something goes wrong. When you have power you are surrounded by people whose job it is to take the blame for your mistakes. If they’re smart, that is. Some of Cerebus’ staff used to insist on only taking the blame for their own mistakes. Cerebus had a bunch of them charged with treason and executed. At the very next meeting, one of Cerebus’ mistakes was mentioned and Cerebus asked whose fault is this? Every hand in the room went up. Cerebus told them all not to let it happen again and we moved on to other mistakes."
--Cerebus, Church & State Volume I