Funny Quotes

Don't follow in my footsteps, I walk into walls.

Sometimes I dream I'm being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me a nut?

We're the best of friends. You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You jump off a bridge, and I'm gonna miss your dumb a$$.

if your gonna walk on thin ice, you might as well dance.

I told my dad I was gonna stop raising hell, and he called me a quitter.

If God had meant for today to be perfect, he wouldn't have created tomorrow.

I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

Friends are God's way of apologizing for our families.

My mom told me never to talk to strangers. I never talk to myself anymore.

Women only need 4 animals: A mink in the closet A jaguar in the driveway A tiger in bed and a jackass to pay for it all!

A man is a king...a king is a ruler...a ruler is 12 inches...still think your a man?

Don't take life so seriously, it's not permanent.

I wish people would just stop telling me I can be anything I want...I never thought I couldn't.

I put the FUN in dysFUNctional!

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it!

Never argue with an idiot. They only drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

Isn't it funny how a heart is shaped like 2 upside down teardrops?

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I swear to God if you hit my with that damn rock one more time, I'm gonna shove it straight up your ass!

In order to be old and wise, we must first be young and stupid!

If you can read this, Thank a Teacher, and since this is in English, Thank a Soldier as well!

AWWW...now I feel all warm and fussy inside...but then again, I just ate a live squirrel.

When life gives you lemons- -shut up & eat your damn lemons. -stuff 'um down your shirt to make your boobs look bigger. -squeeze the juice into a squirt gun and squirt them into peoples eyes. -find some preps with papercuts. -throw them back at life's head and shout, "I don't want your damn lemons!!." -make grapefruit juice, then sit back and wonder how the hell did you make grapefruit juice?

Why am I only quoted when I say something stupid??

You have stolen my heart...but that's okay, I have three more at home in my freezer.

Condoms aren't completly safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus!

Who said the skys the limit? There's footprints on the moon.

Whoever said that nothing is impossible never tried to slam a revolving door.

I like you alot...I think I'm gonna kill you last.

If I had a dollar for everytime I said something smart, I would still be in debt!

Might as well be yourself-everyone else is taken.

Quotes that describe the love that I have found and am missing in my life right now!!!

"Loving you was easy, losing you was hard. Loving you is still easy, but knowing you are no longer mine, is the hardest of it all."

"'Wait!' That's what I said before you went away. Wait, that's what I'm doin' until today. Wait forever I guess I will, I just wish I could have told you, 'Wait! I love you still....'"

"You opened my soul, and now it's too late. I pushed you away, I can't expect you to wait. I see you with her and can't help but cry, knowing that you loved me first and you could have been mine."

**** "isn't it funny how you can find a quote that says exactly what you are thinking? There are so many words that you think and feel that someone else has already spoken... helps you when you feel like you are all alone"
~Christy Hammon (yes, this one is from me) ****

The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread.
~Mother Teresa

Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.
~W. Somerset Maugham, A Writer's Notebook, 1949

Forget love... I'd rather fall in chocolate!
~Author Unknown

Love is a sweet tyranny, because the lover endureth his torments willingly.
~Proverb

The art of love... is largely the art of persistence.
~Albert Ellis

Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity. ~Henry Van Dyke

Love me and the world is mine.
~David Reed

Thou art to me a delicious torment.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Some women love only what they can hold in their arms; others, only what they can't. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Desire creates havoc when it is the only thing between two people, or when it is what's missing.
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960

A man is not where he lives, but where he loves.
~Latin Proverb

Lust fades, so you'd better be with someone who can stand you.
~From the movie The Story of Us

Love is the self-delusion we manufacture to justify the trouble we take to have sex.
~Dan Greenburg

Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
~Author Unknown

Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart.
~Kay Knudsen

You know when you have found your prince because you not only have a smile on your face but in your heart as well.
~Author Unknown

Can miles truly separate you from friends.... If you want to be with someone you love, aren't you already there?
~Richard Bach

I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night.
~Bill Watterson, Calvin & Hobbes

When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
~From the movie When Harry Met Sally

"To love someone is to learn the song that is in that persons heart, and to sing it to them when they have forgotten."

"Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met."

"If I could have one lifetime wish, one wish that would come true, I'd pray to God with all my heart, for yesterday...and you!"

"It's a horrible thing to see your lost love walk past you with another girl, and it's the worst thing to know that you made a mistake in letting him go."

"I can't escape the thought of you. Even in my dreams you are there. It's not fair how your gone, and how you're moving on so fast, while I am still living in the past."

"I was finally getting over you and actually believing I didn't need you. I was finally accepting you had another girl. Then you smiled at me and ruined it all."

"Breaking up is not a stupid thing; instead it makes you a better person and realize your mistakes."

Fate brought you back to me, this time I won't let you leave. I'm gonna love you until the end."

"I thought I'd forget you, but I guess I forgot to."

Some people say the worst way to miss someone is when they are right next to you and you know you can't have them, but it's worse when you thought you didn't want them anymore and then all of a sudden you realize you can't live without them."

"If I can't have you, at least i was able to know I had you."

The one who makes me the happiest, is always the one who is already taken."

"Oftentimes we say goodbye to the person we love without wanting to. Though that doesn’t mean that we've stopped loving them or we've stopped to care. Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you."

It's amazing the things you realize when you lose someone: you get mad at yourself for not saying the things you could've a million times, you take for granted the days spent doing nothing when you could have been with them. Anyone can be taken, at any time in our lives, but we always wait until they're gone to say the things we never had the courage to before."

"If I could be anyone at this moment, I'd be her so you'd be holding me instead."

"Should I smile because he's my friend, or cry because that's all he is?"

Love that we can not have is the one that last the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest."

"You never realize what kind of love you have, until you walk away from it; then it may be too late."

Somewhere out there is the man you're supposed to marry and if you don't get him first, somebody else will...and then, you'll have to spend the rest of your life thinking that somebody else is married to your husband."
~from the movie "When Harry Met Sally"

Once upon a time I was falling in love, but now I’m only falling apart."
~From the song "Total Eclipse of the Heart"

"I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh, but I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry."

Every morning I wish it were night again, for it is only at night and in the depth of my dreams that I can feel you, and you still belong to me."

Why am I afraid to lose you when you're not even mine..."

"You will know that you love someone when you want him/her to be happy. Even if that means you're not a part of their happiness."

I want you to be happy, you're my best friend. But it's so hard to let you go now with all that could have been. I'll always have the memories. She'll always have you. Fate has a way of changing just when you don't want it to. Throw away the chains, let love fly away. Till love comes again, I'll be okay.

Forget the times you walked by, forget the times you made me cry, forget the times you held my hand, forget the sweet things if I can. I can no longer pretend, I have to remember now, you're just my friend."

The one thing in life that hurts most is to know the one person you'd die to be with, could only be with you in heaven.

The hardest thing to do is watch someone you love, love someone else.

"You don't stop loving someone; you only get used to living without them there.

"I thought I lost a lover, but instead I gained a friend."

"Loving you was easy, it's living without you that's difficult."

I thought at last that I was finally over him ... and then I looked into his eyes and fell in love all over again." (this could be my fault, I set out looking for him again!)

I may regret the way we ended, but I will never regret what we had."

"When love leaves our hearts we always have hope. Hope is what keeps our sprits alive and makes it easier on ourselves, because it's better than the truth."

"The hardest thing to do is sit down beside you and look at you knowing that you will never be mine." (leave it to me to surround myself with difficulty too, because you pictures are all around me!)

"Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell."

When your tears feel like acid rain, when you can't breathe and it becomes physical pain, you know you've lost a love of a lifetime. When you try to speak but nothing comes, when you hear a song and cry from the lyrics, the rhythm, the beat of the drums, you know you've lost a love of a lifetime. When people keep telling you it'll get better, just give it time when really each day my pain gets stronger knowing you're not mine, you know you've lost a love of a lifetime.

"I told myself that the time will come when I'll stop loving you and the distance we have, I'll forget you. But then I realized that since you left me, time had stopped and distance had no measure!" (should be more like since I left you...)

"A memory of true love is like a favorite song; no matter how many times it plays again, you never get tired of it."

"The pain now is part of the happiness then."

"Some people say that you don't know what you have until you lose it, but it's not like that... I always knew what I had, I just never thought I would lose it."

"If I never fall in love again, I'm okay with that because I had the chance to be in love with you."

"Time goes by, year after year, and still in my memory I see you so clear." (and it helps to stare at your pics!!!)

"Love that we cannot have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest and feels the strongest."

"My broken heart will heal after a while; my goal is to see you and not cry, but smile."

"It's like a knife through the heart when it all falls apart. It's like someone takes a pin to your balloon. It's hole, it's a cave, it's kinda like a grave, when he tells you that he's found somebody new. Why they call it fallin', now I know."

"They say that if you love someone you should let them go, but they never say what to do when they don't come back."

"How can I see what`s in front of me, when I`m blinded by tears?"

I'm surprised, I thought Love would turn its back on me, but never the less, it was I who turned my back on love."

Don't make the same mistake I made, and shut yourself to someone who loves you."

"If I could tell you now, how I felt then, to say the words I love you, and mean them once again. Realizing you are there, standing right behind, only knowing, you're not so far behind. I wish tonight, that I was in your arms, and you were telling me we'd always be alright."

"No love can hurt as much as the love that can never be. And, no thoughts can hurt as much as the thoughts of a love that could have been."

It's better now. Sometimes, there are whole days when I think of you only now and then."

"No matter how smart someone is, they'll never realize what they have, until it is gone."

"For all the sad words of tongue or pen. The saddest of all is: 'What might have been.'"

All suffering comes from a person's inability to sit still and be alone.
~Anthony de Mello

The most beautiful things in life are not seen: That's why we close our eyes when we cry, kiss, and dream.

All suffering comes from a person's inability to sit still and be alone.

A broken heart is like a flat tire, you can't get anywhere in life until you fix it.

Don't be ashamed to cry if you have someone willing to wipe your tears.

It's not being in love that makes you happy; it's who your in love with that makes you happy.

Always wear cute pajames...you never know who you'll meet in your dreams.

I'm not suppose to love you, I'm not suppose to care. I'm not suppose to live my life wishing you were there. I'm not suppose to wonder, where you are or what you do. I'm sorry, I can't help my self, I fell in love with you.

I'm trying really hard not to cry over you anymore, because every tear is another reminder that I don't know how to let you go.

Tell him I don't like him, Tell him I don't love him, Tell him I don't miss him, But most of all, Don't tell him I said this while I was crying.