AN EXCERPT FROM "COMMENT RESPONSES 07/97"
by: Ben Weasel
. . .e-mail is a different monster. E-mail is to the art of conversation as a 70?s porn loop of a woman fucking a German Shepherd is to the Mona Lisa. Through rapid-fire, stream-of-consciousness missives written in a style that can only be described as Moron Shorthand, e-mail reduces the varied and beautiful languages of the world to a series of grunts, much in the way our Neanderthal ancestors must have communicated. . . A conversationalist tells an adversary that he is an uncouth cad unworthy of the speaker?s respect; that he acts in ways befitting a drunken ape; and that he deserves to be flogged with the whips of intelligence until some insight an decency finally begin to seep through his pores. An e-mailer tells said adversary to fuck off and calls him an asshole. And spells "asshole" wrong.

note:  this is from a longer essay written by Ben.  Visit www.screechingweasel.com/ben- to see the entire essay, other essays, as well as information on his soon-to-be-released novel.

SPECIAL LEGAL ANNOUNCEMENT- CRACK THE ALIEN AUTOPSY
by: Negativland
The Alien Autopsy film footage broadcast on the Fox Network is claimed to have been shot by and for the U.S. Government for its own purposes, in 1942.  Its recent unauthorized pirate sale and release by the cameraman has begun, in fact, a long chain of illegal transactions. The cameraman sold it to film producer Ray Santilly, and Santilly is selling video and broadcast rights to various media and sales outlets all over our planet. If, as claimed, this film was stolen from the government ('forgetting" to pick it up does not transfer ownership or rights) the government automatically owns the copyright on it - no one else - and all these commercial transactions are pirate transactions without legal standing.

As one possible avenue to uncovering the truth here, we suggest the following. Since no one but the government can legally claim to own this film and all rights to it, anyone and everyone who wants to should copy, sell, and distribute this video for their own private profit. If the government sues you for copyright infringement, they will have claimed ownership and be validating the claimed origins of this fit-. If Santilly sues you for copyright infringement, he will, in effect, be denying his own claim concerning the origins of this film and would be admitting that either he or the cameraman created it. If all parties stick to their present positions - that is, that this film is stolen property, pirated as video, and the government is ignoring it to avoid admitting knowledge  then no one out there is able to claim legal ownership and, by default, it is literally public domain material.

So go for it! Either anyone can resell this material and make money off it, or someone must claim ownership, thus tipping the true hand of authorship. Thus, it is the intentional infringement of Santilly's copyright claims which just might be the quickest way to the bottom of this. So force somebody's hand! Pirate the hell out of this footage and get this into the courts! Presenting this argument to an adventurous attorney would probably get you pro-bono representation. Forgotten that "trial of the century" already? Here's the real one.  

                CAT HAIKUS
                Thanks be to Kelly

      The rule for today
      Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
      New rule tomorrow.

      You're always typing.
      Well, let's see you ignore my
      sitting on your hands.

      You must scratch me there!
      Yes, above my tail!
      Behold, elevator butt.

      Cats meow out of angst
      "Thumbs! If only we had thumbs!
      We could break so much!"

      In deep sleep hear sound.
      Cat vomit hairball somewhere.
      Will find in morning.

      Wanna go outside.
      Oh, shit! Help! I got outside!
      Let me back inside!

      We're almost equals
      I purr to show I love you
      Want to smell my butt?