Corny Jokes! please feed my raving addiction and send all your corny jokes to phaith@netscape.net. if you send me any racial, ethnic, or gay jokes, however,  i will hunt you down and place a rabid weasel into your nasal passages while you sleep...   Two hydrogen atoms were walking down the street, when one says to the other, "Oh my god! I think I've lost my electron!" The other hydrogen atom, alarmed, asks, "are you sure?" the other atom replies, "yes, I'm positive!" [hehehehehehehehehe... gotta love dorky jokes...]     A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, make me one with everything... The Buddhist asks the hot dog vendor for change. The hot dog vendor says, "change is inevitable..." [some great buddhist jokes for my favorite buddhist]     What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying on a doorstep? Matt.     What do you a call a man with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean? Bob.   What do you call a man with no arms and no legs stuffed in your mailbox? Bill.   What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? Art. [thanks Julie!]   knock knock who's there? interrupting cow. interrupting cow w- MOOOOOO   knock knock who's there? dyslexic interrupting cow. dyslexic interrupting cow w- OOOOOOM   knock knock who's there? objectivist interrupting cow. objectivist interrupting cow w- MEEEE   knock knock who's there? communist interrupting cow. communist interrupting cow w- MAO     What do you call a cow with three legs? lean meat.   What do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef.   Whats big, green, and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it can kill you? A pool table.   Whats big, green, and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it can kill you? A giant kiwi. What's big, black, and if it falls out of a tree it can kill you? Foucault in a body bag... [it's all for you, chris. it's all for you.]   Why did the cat fall out of the tree? Because it was dead.   why didn't the teddy bear eat his dinner? because he was stuffed...   A mushroom walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Hey, can I get a bottle of beer?" The bartender, shocked, says "No, we don't serve your kind here!" The mushroom, indignant, replies: "Why not? I'm a fungi..." [get it? fungi= fun guy? ohhhhhh that's good]   These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up  a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy  flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the  competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but  they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They  ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest  and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up  the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't  close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that..... Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.   Two eskimos were sitting in a kayak. They decided to light a fire in their canoe, but when they did, it sank!!  This proves once and for all that you CAN NOT have your kayak and heat it too...       jokes that aren't even remotely funny unless you're me and chris and amanda:   A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. They sit down, and the priest orders a bottle of vodka. The bartender looks at him weird, but gives him his vodka. Then he asks the rabbi what he wants, and he says, "a glass of water." The bartender smacks him upside the head and says, "what kind of an establishment do you think this is, anyway?" and the rabbi says: "No Soap! Radio!"   Two men were standing on a street corner. One man says to the other, "say, I'll bet you ten bucks that when I throw this brick up in the air, it won't come down." The other guy protests, saying that he would be taking advantage of the other man, but he finally relents. The man with the brick throws it up in the air, and it doesn't come down.