Dear Subscribers,
We are really proud to announce that we have reached 4 volumes of our
fast-growing publication. To celebrate the same, we
are presenting a Project Management Special to our esteemed hand-picked
readership.
We are presenting some key questions with possible answers. You can
rate yourself and get instant feedback on your project
management skills. This questionnaire has been prepared after much
research and with assistance from PSM's from a leading
training (cum development) institute, and reflects the state of the
software industry at the moment. Thus you will appreciate the
delay in coming out with this much awaited issue.
Q1) Rate your risk taking:
a) I use Microsoft products (points 10/10)
b) I use Unix products (points 3/10)
c) I use Linux products (points 1/10)
Q2) Rate you backup and recovery related skills:
a) We use daily backups since we are using MS Products (points 10/10)
b) We do weekly backups since we use Unix products (points 3/10)
c) Backups? what're they OR I told you "I use Linux" (points
0/10)
Q3) Customer handling - bug related issues:
a) I tell my customer to wait for the next version of our software,
and also the next release of Windows, and to purchase the
same when it is released next year. (points 10/10)
b) "That's not a bug - that's a Windows feature!" - (points 11/10)
c) "We've fixed the bug only for the '98 and 3.11 version of our software,
not for the '95 and NT versions." (points 12/10).
d) Ask the customer for 24 hours max - since thats the time required
to post a new bug on the internet and have the problem
resolved (if the patch is not already available), free of cost, of
course. (points 0/10)
Q4) Customer handling - change/enhancements related issues:
a) We've asked Microsoft if they are coming out with a Hindi version,
and they said sometime in 2003, if Hindi is still spoken
then. (Points 10/10)
b) We asked Microsoft and they said no one can understand their source
code a week after its written, so sorry. (points
12/10)
c) The source code is freely available and well documented, so we made
the modifications, and here is the Hindi version. Do
you want a Punjabi one also ? (Points minus 5/10)
Q5 ) User Handling - Speed Issues
a) If you were going to run it on '98 you should have bought a P3 or
better. (Points 10/10)
b) If you want a decent response on your PII you'll have to buy our
long-abandoned 3.11 version and run it on 3.11 (Points
11/10)
c) Try loading OS/2 and then running the software in a Windows shell
- that should work faster. (Points 12/10)
d) We told you it'll run so fast on Linux that you wont be able to
see the output. You'll have to redirect it to a file.(Points 0/10)
By now you have a fairly good idea of how well you understand the critical issues in the s/w industry.
If you scored an average of 10 or higher, you are instantly eligible
for recruitment at an SPM or Factory Head level job at
Jhatpat.
If you scored 0 or less, you appear to be a geek, and should probably
work in the US.
Now folks for the other big news........
Jhatpat has opened a free Internet browsing facility near its Goberbasti
office in Gobindpuri, New Delhi. However, please be
careful as the entrance and path is full of blobs of g****. Pls do
not mind the smell of urine - we did not realise that our facility
is actually attracting persons who had come to avail of the free toilet
(we had placed there last month), on the way out. We
understand that with the water problem, the hands used on the computers
were (cough) somewhat unclean. We cannot at this
point separate the toilet and the Internet facility due to logistical
reasons. And the fact that it is widely known as the Inter-let
facility. (now the meaning of the L is clear). However, we have requested
the current users not to use the touch screen for
cleaning/wiping their fingers (or browsing on the way IN).
Exits:
Two of our project managers recently left a lucrative job with us for
bigger challenges... They are now into big busine$$ - they
are hawking kulfi's at the Kalkaji Main Road and are very satisfied
with the new position. They say they will diversify into
Gulab Jamuns, come winter. We wish them the very best.
Entries:
Mr. John V Doolittle joined us as CEO of our american office, Jhatpat
US. He comes from Computer Mart or Computer Point
(the shop next to Radio Shack on 2111 Junkyard Street, Dullsville).
He was MD there and has extensive IT experience. We
welcome him.
----------------------------------------------
To unsubscribe from our newletter: You can't.
Suicide in the cyberpunk era;
run a Microsoft product
on your cyberspace deck.