Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all the trials and tribulations,
We will travel every nation,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

I don't care if it rains or freezes
As long as I've got my Plastic Jesus
Glued to the dashboard of my car,
You can buy Him phosphorescent
Glows in the dark, He's Pink and Pleasant,
Take Him with you when you're travellin' far

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all the trials and tribulations,
We will travel every nation,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

I don't care if it's dark or scary
Long as I have magnetic Mary
Ridin' on the dashboard of my car
I feel I'm protected amply
When I've got the whole damn Family
Riding on the dashboard of my car

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all the trials and tribulations,
We will travel every nation,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

You can buy a Sweet Madonna
Dressed in rhinestones sittin' on a
Pedestal of abalone shell
Goin' ninety, I'm not wary
'Cause I've got my Virgin Mary
Guarantees I won't be goin' to Hell

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all the trials and tribulations,
We will travel every nation,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

I don't care if it bumps or jostles
Long as I've got the Twelve Apostles
Bolted to the dashboard of my car
Don't I have a pious mess
Such a crowd of holiness
Strung across the dashboard of my car

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all the trials and tribulations,
We will travel every nation,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

So I don't care if it rains or freezes
Long as I have my plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
But I think he'll have to go
His magnet ruins my radio
And if we wreck he's bound to leave a scar

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Through all the trials and tribulations,
We will travel every nation,
With my plastic Jesus I'll go far.

Riding through the thoroughfare
With his nose up in the air
A wreck may be ahead, but he don't mind
Trouble coming, he don't see
He just keeps his eyes on me
And any other thing that lies behind

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Though the sun shines on his back
Makes him peel, chip, and crack
A little patching keeps him up to par

When pedestrians try to cross
I let them know just who's the boss
I never blow my horn or ring a bell
I ride all over this damn town
Trying to run them suckers down
And it's seldom that they live to see the morn.

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
His halo fits just so right
And I use it as an aiming sight
And they scatter or they splatter near and far

When I'm in a traffic jam
He don't care if I say Damn
I can let all sorts of curses roll
Statue Jesus He don't hear
cause he's got a plastic ear
The man who gave us Styrene saved my soul

Plastic Jesus, Plastic Jesus
Riding on the dashboard of my car
Once his robe was snowy white
Now it isn't quite so bright
Stained by the smoke of my cigar

God made Christ a Holy Jew
God made Him a Christian too
Paradoxes populate my car

Naughty Mary, smug and smiling
Jesus dainty and beguiling
Knee-deep in the piling of my van
His message clear by night or day
My phosphorescent plastic Gay
Simpering from the dashboard of my van

When I'm goin' fornicatin'
I got my ceramic Satan
Sinnin' on the dashboard of my truck
The women know I'm on the level
Thanks to that crazy stoneware devil
Leerin' from the dashboard of my truck

If I weave around at night
And those police believe I'm tight
They'll never find my bottle, though they ask
Plastic Jesus shelters me
cuz His head comes off, you see
He's hollow, and I use Him for a flask