i keep waiting around for you to
say what i've dreamed of you saying to me
but all these conversations i've had 
with you in my head just don't match up
they never will, it's all a figment
deluding myself into believing
there's a perfect version 
of you for me and the swimmy
visions are all muddled i'm so baffled
it's confusing, self-abusing
and as the nervous
laughter works it's way through me
i find it hard to
state exactly what i feel for you anyways
possibly only going through some needy phase

i don't feel time slipping 
any further than these
thoughts of you while i kick myself down 
another rung of the ladder
until i'm in the ground and i'm
on my knees but you can't see me
then 'cause i'm gone to a 
far away place
and you never knew 'cause i never told you
why do things seem so complicated?
everything should be laid out
flat and straight, no questions asked
so all is told, nothing withheld
you think that my eyes
and my smile, and my tone are
lying, but i just
can't spit out the words
fearing they'll fall to the floor
in a murky puddle
too odd or out of place
to even disturb with a stick
there's no reply, empty
air and the most uncomfor-
table silence

woke to two mornings of you with that smile
blinked twice and you were gone, but it was so good for a while

so glad to know my confusion's 
not misplaced, it might even be
comparable to yours, but still
clarification and openness
a total understanding 
would be a beautiful thing
i'm a young buck, so
i can take what you have to say
and i'll just get over
it if it's anywhere
near disheartening
as long as i know it'll be better than this
i've realized now 
what you meant by there
being more of a con-
nection between us
i certainly feel a
pull and it's a hell of a lot more
undecipherable and elusive
than instinctive lower-brain lust
yet the furthest thing
from my mind is to upset you
or get in the middle of 
anything you have going on
i merely want to
be a friend, just trying to open
lines to make that possible
'cause your playful mind can
really fascinate me
you've got a talent for brightening a day