Author's IntroductionGreetings, face lifters. Welcome to the frightening new world of recapitation and mutilative make-overs. In short, welcome to New Head. We hope your stay will be a most profitable one. As for yourself, I hope your stay will see you reborn into a new life more interesting than the last. Your chance to forget that ghastly personality that you've had to endure all these years. Leave it all behind and give a better ego a chance to rampage. In the hands of New Head you can forget all your troubles, forever. Join us - and we shall go forth together to create the latest and greatest in Plastic Surgery disasters. This is a personal declaration from none other than the webmaster of this atrocious advertisement, Mister Diabolical, alias the rather deceased Edward Grimsdyke. Very soon, our very own commercial epic will be downloaded by junk mail and spam straight to your computer, in the effort to beg and harass you into using our company, and parting with wads of your hard earned cash to prop up the director's spending disease. All going to a good cause, I trust you'll agree. Just think of the benefits that you'll gain from the process, as soon as the scars heal, that is. Until I met with this sadistic collection of vulgar practitioners, I had a tree growing out of my head. That was via a long spell underground, where my sad and feeble body took on its secondary role as that of manure. I was doing my bit to support the local flora. But this was in conflict with those splendid people at New Head. They knew I was meant for greater things, that of their fiendish web designer and part time body snatcher! Its been a great awakening, after all those years buried in the cold ground, with only termites and worms for company. Now things are looking good for the future. New Heads elixir of life really works. Now i'm up and running, I may even go for one of their new heads myself. I hear their cloning Vlad the Impaler soon, which sounds very appealing, but in the meantime, i'm stocking up on genetically modified foods. I hear that a double helping of this molecular poison might alter my body dymanics, and I may even grow a new head myself. These are the fringe benefits available to members of the walking dead. Marvellous. © 2004: Edward Grimsdyke Productions
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