Background
A little about myself and my background, so you can understand why I've made the choice for Gastric Bypass surgery.
I'm 42 as I start this endeavor, and I've been "plump" all of my life. It's in the genes, you know. Both of my parents have always been heavy and struggled with their weight. Even in high school, when I was of an average weight, I was always a little on the heavy side of average. As a cheerleader, even the shortest one, I was always at the bottom of the stack because others were lighter than I was.
Then I grew up and got pregnant. That was the beginning of the obesity. I gained 80 pounds with my pregnancy. Another 25 afterward as I nursed. And back in the mid 80's there was no dieting while nursing, so I never lost the weight from my pregnancy. From there it just increased over the next 17 years.
I went through almost all the diets known to man. And each of them worked wonderfully! (Until I went OFF the diet.) Once I didn't hold strictly to the diet... a little snitch here, a little taste there... I'd eventually fall back into my old habits. The weight would return, with just a few extra pounds for good measure. Excercise programs worked about the same. I'd eventually get lazy or lonely doing them by myself and would quit.
So here I am at age 42, 5 feet 1 inch tall, and 276 pounds! My knees, ankles, feet and back are a constant ache. I don't sleep well at night. I snore loud enough to keep my son awake in the basement as I sleep on the main floor. I can't walk further than a block or two without being completely out of breath and ready to collaspe. I can't sit on the ground for longer than a minute or two without my legs going to sleep... and heaven help me trying to get up! I waddle when I walk, no matter how hard I try not to. And finding a comfortable chair (especially one with arms on it) is virtually impossible.
I will say that I am blessed in that I don't have a lot of the MAJOR medical problems that many obese people have. I'm not diabetic, my cholesterol is fine as is my blood pressure. And I'm not prone to infection or any other disease that I know of. I have no allergies and only occasional sinus headaches. So I am better off than many of the obese people out there.
So the decision is made. I've done my homework. I know the pros and cons of this type of surgery. I've been to the seminars. I'm ready.
December 2002
I'm so tired of so many things. I can't fit in a chair with arms any more! I can't climb the 7 stairs at the back of my building to get into my office. This is utterly ridiculous! And I know in my heart that another diet is going to be more of the same. I'll lose weight.. some... I'll smile. Maybe buy a few new clothes. Then the diet will slide, old habits will come back, excercise will go by the wayside, and I'll be right back here where I'm at now. Only worse. I keep seeing the ads when I bring up my Yahoo. Some woman losing 150 lbs in a year. I finally clicked on the link and looked at what that woman in the ad had to say. Surgery? Am I really at that point? That's so radical. To actually alter the way my body works is such a foreign concept to me. I need more research. I need to think about this. I know I need something permanent. Some consequences for eating poorly or too much. I'll find some more websites (there's plenty out there) and do some more reading.
January 2003
This idea of surgery to correct my obesity intrigues me. Real consequences if I over eat. I'd rather do anything than be sick. And if I overeat or eat poorly, I would definately be sick. I hate that sensation. I'll do what I must to avoid it. I need to check with my insurance company and make an appointment with my doctor to see what he thinks. The more I read, the better I feel about all this. There's plenty of good information out there. Plenty to read about the miraculous results you can get. I need to look into the bad stuff. I need to know what can happen when things go wrong. Need to make completely informed decisions. I'll keep at this. There may be a light at the end of the tunnel.
February 19, 2003
I finally did it. Took the first step. I went to the McLearn Weight Control Center in Flint Michigan to their free seminar. I had to register before hand, but that was nothing more than a phone call. My insurance company participates with these people, so the surgery would be paid for. Unfortunately, the surgeon was not able to attend due to an emergency, but we talked to several of the nutrition, psychology, and nursing professionals there. The room was packed (no pun intended) with people needing the same help that I do. The only part that took me back a bit was the 6 week liquid diet that is manditory before surgery, and that insurance doesn't cover. $1600 is a lot of money to me. I'll be calling the insurance company tomorrow to see what can be done about it all.
April 3, 2003
I had my appointment with Dr. Okey today. He's my primary care physician. I worried about what he would think of the gastric bypass surgery. If he'd approve or if it was something he was against. I should have known better. Dr. Okey has never been judgemental of anything else, and he certainly wasn't about this. In fact, he was very supportative. We went through my records to see what sort of diet stuff he'd helped me with, and cataloged my ailments that could have my weight as a contributing factor. He told me he has several patients who have gone through the proceedure and, though he didn't recommend it for me, he was supportative of my decision and is happy to write up any referrals I'll need for tests and surgery for the insurance company. He even gave my name to one of his patients to talk to about the whole proceedure. I hope the woman calls. I'd really like to talk to her about it.
April 8, 2003
I spoke with another surgeon. Well, his office staff actually. This one, Dr. Kevin Krause, does the surgery laproscopically. That sounds SO much better than opening the full body cavity. But the office referred me to another doctor for the pre-op testing, but that referral doesn't take my insurance. This is so frustrating, I'm near tears. How am I supposed to do this when I keep running into brick walls as far as the money is concerned? I called the office back and told them their referral doesn't take my insurance. They said my primary care physician can order the tests too. I hope so. I've made another appointment with Dr. Okey.
April 15, 2003
I had my Physical and blood work with Dr Okey today. Well, actually it was with Sandy, Dr. Okey's nurse practioner. She's sweet and I'm at ease with her. His entire staff is so supportative. I need to get in touch with Dr. Krause's office again and find out the proceedure and the forms then want when all of the test results are in. That'll take a bit of time, so I have some time before I need to do that.
April 23, 2003
I had my psychological evaluation at Ann Arbor Consultation Services with Dr Marion Karl today. It was pretty much what I expected. And such a "typical" session with a therapist that I nearly had to laugh. All the sterotypical questions, for which I had some pretty sterotypical answers, I must admit. Then I took a 370 question, fill in the little circle next to the right answer, test. Dr. Karl said she'd type up the report, add in the results of the test, and get back to me soon so I could review it for accuracy before sending it in. Can hardly wait to see what this says when it's all done!
May 19, 2003
I finally picked up the rough draft of my psych evaluation. It was pretty much just a synopsis of what I'd told her in the interview along with the test scores and what they indicate. But she's recommended me as a candidate for surgery, so that's one more hurdle I've jumped. But Dr Karl does say I have low self esteem and need continued psychotherapy. Well of course I have low self esteem! I'm 150 pounds over weight! I don't even like looking at myself in the mirror. How could I possibly expect those around me to enjoy being close? I'm completely aware of what weight does to a person, and it doesn't make me happy about myself, that's for sure. I feel better about myself now than I have in a very long time. And that is, in a large part, due to me doing something about the one thing in my life I hate worst. This weight!
May 23, 2003
Had my pulmonary testing today. A bunch of breathing tests. In and out on a machine that measures how much air my body absorbes and how much pressure I can create. Or something like that. A doctor (Dr Thannacel) examined me. That took all of 10 minutes. Then he ordered a blood gas test and a sleep study for me. I had to go back to the technician and get blood taken, but it had to be from an artery, not a vein. Arteries are much deeper and harder to find. They had to stick me twice, and both times were "fishing" around with the needle to try to get blood. Definately OUCH! But worth it if it progresses this effort forward. The sleep study isn't part of the pre-op testing, thank goodness! He ordered one on an "urgent" basis, and they scheduled it for November! They also said not to worry that there are always cancellations and they'd fit me in much sooner than that. We shall see.
May 30, 2003
The sleep study clinic called yesterday at about 1pm and asked if I could come in last night for a study! Talk about short notice! But I took it. Went home and ate some dinner, packed a bag and came back into town to the hospital to spend the night. What an uncomfortable night it was! All hooked up to dozens of electrodes that went to wires and into a machine. They they watched me all night long. Kept waking me up to tell me to roll over onto my back. I don't sleep on my back very much anyway. At about 1pm they came in and put a breathing mask over my nose. Then they left me alone and I finally got some sleep. I'm exhausted today, and I won't find out the results of the study for 2 weeks. Ah well. Just a little side step on this path...
June 1, 2003
I had my EKG with Dr Okey this morning. It went well I suppose. They said the reading wasn't real strong, but that had nothing to do with the machine or with me in particular. Just my size makes taking one difficult. But the doctor didn't find anything unusual in the rhythm, so that's a good thing. Honestly, I'm a little worried. Other than the weight, I'm very healty. Almost too healthy to justify to the insurance company why this surgery is necessary. Well, we'll jump that hurdle when we get to it. For now, we'll trudge onward toward a consultation with Dr. Krause.
June 13, 2003
Well, one more hurdle toward surgery and a new life has been accomplished. I got the call from my PCP (Primary Care Physician) on Friday afternoon that all of the results of my pre-op tests were in, including the sleep study, and that they were sending me copies and faxing copies to Dr Krause. I'm so geeked that I completely forgot to ask what the results of the sleep study were. If I even have apnea or not. I'll find out when I get my copies of the results. So the next step is to get a consultation with the surgeon. I'll give them about a week to go over the test results, then I'll start calling and bugging them. I'm SOOOOOO looking forward to this.
June 25, 2003
I FINALLY have a consulatation date! The problem is that it's not until September 3rd. That seems like forever away. I'm thrilled that I'm finally scheduled, but it sure does feel like I'll be wasting my summer. Being fat all summer again, and just starting to lose weight by Christmas. I was hoping to be down considerably by then so I could get some clothes. But that won't happen. I'm trying to focus on the positive. I actually HAVE a date. The woman who I spoke with said that because I'd stayed on top of my pre-op testing and made sure things kept moving, that I'd moved ahead of people that have been waiting for a consultation date for over a year. I do take some comfort from that. Still, it's going to be a long summer just waiting.
August 14, 2003
Nothing new to report about my surgery. Just waiting for that September 3rd date. But my life has just been shaken up pretty good. My father has just been diagnosed with prostate cancer. They've found it VERY early and are very positive that it's completely curable. Still, it's scary to realize that your parents are mortal. When he went in for a biopsy, they took 8 samples and only one came back abnormal. It happens to be a very 'aggressive' strain, but it's been caught so early that the mortality rate is nearly zero. And it's not spread to anything else yet, according to tests. Of course they can't be sure of that until they open him up. That'll be August 26th. The only good thing about this is that it means mom & dad can't hit the road until after November. This means that, if all goes well, they should be here for my surgery as well. So I can support them through dad's surgery and treatment, and they can support me. This will be a good thing.
September 3, 2003
After finally meeting Dr Krause on today, I found him to be exactly what I expected. I'd read several reviews on him and talked online with a few of his patients. When I stepped into his conference room, I saw a very unassuming young man that most people wouldn't look at twice. But as we sat with him and he began speaking, I knew I'd made the right choice for me. He started at the beginning, where Weight Loss Surgery began, then the specifics of his own style and preferences. He went through the dangers and the statistics. The National average and his own averages. He speaks bluntly but sensitively about what could happen and it's possibilities. And he can smile and joke a bit as well. In the private part of the consultation/exam, he spoke of the specifics of my case, pointed out where incisions would be made and how I should feel after the surgery is done. He is very concerned with after care, especially as my insurance company does not participate with the clinics he uses for after care and nutrition. All in all, I'm very pleased with my choice of surgeon. Now I just need to find out if his clinic has been accepted by my insurance yet (they were in the process back in May), or if I need to find someone in the insurance network that can and will work with this surgeon to make this the positive experience it's supposed to be.
What I wasn't prepared for was the feeling of anti-climax from the meeting. I guess I'd done my homework a little TOO well (if there is such a thing for this). He didn't really have anything to say that I didn't already know from researching before hand. It was more a matter of finding out his personal preferences for surgery, then a quick look over my personal history. He did manage to reassure me on two points I was concerned about. First is that I'd be too large for the lap proceedure and that I'd have to start this whole thing all over again with another surgeon who did the proceedure open. He said that wasn't a problem (but that I shouldn't gain any more weight, and should try to lose as much as possible before the surgery. Just to make it easier on myself). The second thing was the insurance approval. I don't have a lot of the common co-morbidities that go along with being obese. No high blood pressure, high colesterol, diabetes or anything severe like that. But I do have rather severe sleep apnea. Apparently, with a BMI as high as mine, and the severity of the apnea, my insurance company shouldn't balk too much. At least, in his experience. He's had nearly 400 surgeries and his insident ratios are below the national average (major or minor complications or deaths). I just have one loose end to tie up with my PCP before they can submit the request to the insurance company for approval. I need a letter from Dr Okey explaining why I was referred to Dr Krause and giving his support for the surgery. I'm quite anxious to get on with it, and get on with my life! I'll keep you all posted on my progress. At least I'm moving forward again. This is a good thing!
September 10, 2003
I called Dr Krause's office this morning to make sure they'd received the letter from Dr Okey. Naturally, they hadn't. So I called Dr Okey's office who, of course, said they'd sent it. Goodness knows where it went, but I had Dr Okey's office resend the letter again. They also assured me that they sent me a copy in the mail. When I called back Dr Krause's office, they had received the letter this time. The Doctor wouldn't be in until Wednesday afternoon and he might get to it sometime Wednesday evening. I hope so. I figure I'll call MCare sometime next week about mid-week and make sure they got the packet from Dr Krause's office. From there, all I can do is wait and pray. One thing I have learned through all of this... I have GOT to keep on top of it. If I drop the ball and let things slide, I have no one to blame but myself. As long as I keep calling and keep everyone moving, then eventually I'll see the loosing side and I'll be able to comfortably tie my shoes again! I'm truly looking forward to that day.
September 18, 2003
I can not believe how these insurance companies operate! I just called MCare to find out about getting in to the nutritionist somewhere, and the rep I talked to talked to authorizations and found out that if Dr Okey had written the referral for the surgeon AND the weight loss clinic, that I could have gone through Beaumont Weight Clinic early this summer and probably been through my surgery by now! And it was all said so matter-of-factly that it was like I should have known this all along. Or at least my doctor's office should have known. I can't believe all the time and energy I've wasted. I'm so frustrated with this whole process! Now I have to call Dr Okey (who I'm sure is getting sick and tired of dealing with me) and have him re-write the referral to include the clinic.
September 24, 2003
I'M APPROVED!!! I found out completely by accident! I was calling MCare to find out if they'd received Dr Okey's referral for the clinic, and they said "Well your request for surgery has already been approved." I was in shock! I couldn't put a coherant sentance together for a second or two. It took even a little longer to remember what I was calling for in the first place. (They still don't have the referral from Dr Okey either.) Of course, as soon as I hung up from MCare I called Dr Krause's office. Kristine was excited to give me the news. But there's a small glitch. It seems BCBS is not going to cover the surgery after November 1st, so everyone with any other kind of insurance is getting bumped back to November so they can accomodate as many BCBS people as possible before that November 1st deadline. As soon as all the rescheduling is done, I'll get a date! Until then, I'm just so glad to know I'm approved and now it's just a matter of time.
September 29, 2003
I have a date! November 10,2003 I will be on my way to the loosing side of this obesity! YIPPEE!!!! I can barely wait! Actually, it all came together today so quickly and easily that I almost can't believe it. I had called Karen at Dr McCullough's office a couple days ago with a request to call MCare and find out how this referral from Dr Okey was going and what else I needed to do. MCare was NOT being helpful at all. That is when Karen found out that Dr McCullough has been accepted by MCare for some time now, and no one bothered to call and tell them. (How much easier that will make things for future MCare patients!) So Karen called me back and asked me to call Dr Krause's office and find out exactly what it is I need from Dr McCullough's office at this point. So I called Dr Krause's office and low and behold, they had a surgery date for me! I was so excited it took a minute or two to get back on track and find out what I needed from Dr McCullough now. I'm still so geeked I can hardly sit still. I called Karen back at Dr McCullough's and now have an appointment with a Dietician (Sarah Irving) and am on the schedule for my surgery so I can arrange post-op care once I have surgery. Christine at Dr Krause's office has passed my name on to Michelle High, who is their nutritionist, and she should be getting in touch with me soon to make appointments as well. It was like shuffling cards yesterday... everything just fell into place. So very strange after all these months of fighting to get information and tests and things done. Now, it's just a matter of waiting. And in 6 weeks, I'll be on my way to a new life without all the extra weight. I can barely wait!
October 20, 2003
Life these days is good. Probably the best it's been in years and years. And I haven't even had the surgery yet! Saw my nutritionist today. Sarah Irving is a very sweet lady that completely explained about my after surgery diet and what I should be expecting. She seems to think that I shouldn't have too terribly much trouble as my diet isn't really as bad as many she's heard. I'm just a carb junkie. I did have to pay the $200 lifetime nutritionist fee, but Lynn from MCare is working on that as well. Seems I may not have to pay that out of pocket as it's part of the total package that I've apparently been approved for. So the $1000 deductable should also cover all nutritionist visits, pre-op, surgical, hospital and post-op care. It's still very much up in the air, but I should find out something in the next week or so. If that's the case, I can just submit for reimbursement. Or it may be applied to the deductable. Either way works for me. But the best part of it all is that I've started seeing someone special, and he's all about supporting me through all of this. He went to my nutritionist meeting with me, and even asked a few questions. He wants to help in any way he can. And the best part about Jeff is that I know it's truly ME he likes, and not just a thin body. If he can care about me at this size, he can see the real "Me" and will like me at any size. Life is good. Surgery is in 18 days and the countdown continues. I'm psyched!
November 5, 2003
Well gang, 5 days until my transformation, and the nerves are
starting to set in. I know in my heart this is the right thing for
me to be doing. That it's a PERMANENT lifestyle change and that,
once done, I can't go back. Still, all the problems, complications,
dangers and discomfort, both emotionally and physically, are rushing
to the forefront and I can't seem to shut them out. My biggest
worry right now is the post-op depression. I'm really worried about
that. I'm not normally prone to depression, but I've always been
able to rely on my best friend, food, to see me through most
anything. This time, that best friend can't be there for me. I'm
not used to leaning on anyone or anything else. It's going to be a
real change for me. Please don't get me wrong. I have a GREAT support group around me. Not only all of you, but my parents will be here, my son, and a
wonderful boyfriend that is so eager to help out any way he can.
And several close friends that will be in and out helping me keep up
my house and doing shopping for me if I can't. Also just visiting
to keep me company. Everyone is thrilled for me and agrees that
this is the right thing for me to be doing. Especially me. I'm just fighting the inevitable demons at the moment. It helps to be able to put it all down in writing and see just how silly I'm being about some of this. Thanks for letting me rant.
November 22, 2003
Well everyone, 12 days since I had my surgery and I must say, I'm
doing GREAT! I have my moments when I run down
and just feel like I can't move another muscle. But for the most
part, I feel energized and just want to do more than I really
should. So I'm careful about overdoing things. I'm out walking and
even drove to my first nutritionist appointment last thursday. And
I got the most wonderful news while I was there. In the last 10
days, I'd lost 15 lbs!!!!! Holy Cow! 15 lbs in 10 days is 1.5 lbs
a day!! That's the most incredible thing I've ever heard of! And
not only that, but I did so well on the liquid part of the diet that
my nutritionist has advanced my diet by 4 days, and says that if the
purees part of the diet goes well for me this week, that I can move
on to soft foods on my own. Just take it easy and slow and don't
push too much. I was thrilled!
In fact, I felt so good that I called my boyfriend and told him that
I was coming down to visit for a couple days with him. Which is
where I am now, as I type this. We did a little grocery shopping
for me (so his house is now stocked for me) and I've done GREAT on
the purees. In fact, I even went out to eat for the first time
yesterday. Jeff and his roommate, Dave wanted to go to lunch, but
were worried about me. I told them I'd be happy to go and just eat
my lunch at home later, and sip on water or tea while we all
talked. But when I looked at the menu, they had a cup of French
Onion soup that I thought I could handle. I'd just leave the
cheese, bread, and onions alone and I'd sip at the beef broth. It
was SOOOO good! And as I sat there with that soup in front of me,
with that piece of pumpernickle bread all soaked in broth, I just
couldn't resist. I tried a little bite of the very soggy center
part. It basically evaporated on my tongue. And it was SO good!
So I took another small bite. And another.. and another. And
before I knew it, the whole thing was gone except for the melted
cheese topping which I had scraped off and set aside. Even the
onions were soft enough to throughly chew up and eat. And I had NO
nasty after effects whatso ever! I was shocked. When I realized
I'd eaten it all, I thought "Uh oh, here it comes.. My first
dump"... but then nothing happned all evening! I'm on my way!
January 28, 2004
Did I think I'd ever get here? No way! But here I am, almost 12 weeks post-op and I'm down 47 pounds! It's truly amazing what losing that kind of weight can do for you. My feet don't ache any more. My joints aren't sore all the time, only occasionally. I sat on the floor the other day! What an achievement. I'd have never considered sitting on the floor before. In the first place, how would I ever get up? And secondly, my legs would go to sleep in a matter of just a minute or two from lack of circulation. It was a horribly uncomfortable experience. But I did it the other day without even thinking about it. And didn't even realize it for about 15 minutes! I've begun water aerobics over at the middle school, and though I love to swim, I hate to excercise, so I was truly dreading this. But I LOVE IT! It's fun and easy and I don't work up a sweat, though I do get out of breath. I'm going to have to find more ways to excercise though. Just twice a week isn't enough. And my doctor says "strength training" is the way to go if I want to avoid plastic surgery later down the road. We'll see what happens. For now, I'm happy that I can move again.
August 11, 2004
I hadn't realized that I haven't written here in so long. I was really surprised to see how quickly this year has gone already. We're looking at the end of summer and school starting back up again. And it's been a truly amazing summer for me. I'm 9 months post-op and I've lost 97lbs! Nearly to the century club (that's when you've lost over 100 lbs). I can't believe the difference in my life. I'm happy. I'm healthy. I'm active. Shoot... I even went to Cedar Point last weekend for the first time in 20 years or more! Cedar Point is the local amusement park and it is PACKED with roller coasters. I use to love 'em, but I haven't been on one in years and years simply because I knew I'd never fit in the seats! At Cedar Point, they have seats at the beginning of the coaster lines so you can sit in it and see if you fit. Now I still have about 80 lbs I want to loose, but I actually fit in the seats of the coasters I wanted to ride, and I had a BLAST! I still move a bit slower than my 25 year old boyfriend, Jeff, and his friends, but I kept up and did very well after being away for so long. I was exhausted afterward, have no doubts about that! But it was a good kind of exhaustion. And just the weekend before, I went horseback riding for the first time in years and years as well! It was just trail horses, but OHHHHH did it feel good to be up there again! Like nothing else in the world! I'm living life again. I never realized how much I'd given up by being obese. Jeff keeps saying it's so much fun to be with me doing all these things again for the first time. It's like it's all brand new to me, but yet not new. Like coming home after being gone for a very long time to find that, though things are different, they're not too terribly different. And that life fits like an old, soft, broken-in shoe. He's absolutely right. Life is good and it's so good to be living it again. I'm still loosing weight, but much slower. About 6 or 7 lbs a month now instead of the huge drops that happened at first. Still, that's safe and good and I'm happy.