aA few days have passed since my last journal entry...the reason being is that I've actually kept myself busy. That's good, because it gives me less time to think about my recent breakup. It's still been weighing heavily on my mind, though. I guess I have just to remember that it's only been (not even) two weeks. If I was okay and over him, then either I really never cared for him, or I'm just a cold person. Neither is true. But in any case, I still don't like being hurt like this. If anyone out there can lend some advice on how to make this less painful, I'd love to hear it. :)
I went out to the bar last night with some friends. It was fun and all, but I still couldn't keep my mind off the fact that I'm alone. Not alone in the sense that I have absolutely no one who cares about me. That's not true. Just alone in the sense that it seems like all I see when I'm out are couples, together...and I wish I could be that happy now. I wish I didn't have this hurt that leaves me bitter inside, inwardly seething at every man for what this one insignificant person did to me. It's not right. And I know eventually I'll get over this "bitter phase" as my friend Melanie calls it. Right now it just seems it'll continue indefinitely.
Oh well. So today...did I do anything of interest? Washed my car. Cleaned out a closet full of stuff from high school/early college days (which were years ago). I also couldn't avoid finding letters and cards that my previous boyfriend had given me. That hurt, seeing "I love you" and "I'll never hurt you" written in his awful, child-like scrawl. It made me cry, and that, in turn, made me angry. I shouldn't be wasting my time crying about this, nor should I waste it even typing about him. But this is my only way to vent, to find some kind of "therapy" and insight. Maybe even some closure, although I think closure is hard to come by nowadays.
I think I'd be alright if this sinus/allergy congestion would just go away. I haven't been able to breathe properly in days and I feel like I'm walking around in a fog. The scary part is that feeling isn't coming from medication. Maybe I'm just losing my mind after all. :)
I must get back to cleaning. I have to finish this all up today or it'll never get done.
So, until later....
