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My dear Ms. Schultz,
You came to our attention one day when surfing the web, and we here at Tartarus Productions would like to make you an offer that will, we believe, be very profitable for us both.
It recently came to our attention that all major successful enterprises today have a solid, strong presence on the web. We here in Hell would like to capitalize on this new trend, and focus our recruiting efforts through this new medium. We believe that you can help us.
According to our records, you are due to spend a portion of eternity in our company. We have made a very equitable arrangement with several soon-to-be residents that we thought you might also be interested in. This is a fantastic opportunity for you to work off your time in Hell, and upgrade yourself to more comfortable levels of Hell in the future.
As an employee of Tartarus Productions, a subsidiary of Hell Inc, you not only are able to add to your resume one of the most prestigious and long-lived companies on the web, and in the world, but you will work on cutting edge technology for centuries to come, making your re-entry into the mortal work place a smooth and easy transition in any century. Our benefits package is comprehensive and includes such features as bicentennial vacations to Purgatory, and all-expense paid company apartments in the cool and spacious 3rd Level of Hell, where you and your closest friends can enjoy afternoon dips in the river Styx.
As a member of our prestigious Web Team, you will also receive you own private supply of souls to torment and a free pass to travel about the levels of Hell, should you desire a change of scene.
We would love to take you on a tour of our state of the art facilities, located in Encino, California, at your earliest convenience.
I look forward to taking your call and answering any questions you may have about this exciting opportunity!
Yours in Eternity-
Mr. T. Beast, esq.
President and founder - Tartarus Productions A Subsidiary of Hell Inc. (666)666-1666 tbeast@styx.tartarus.net |