Pete- and Rich-isms
December 1995 ad infinitum
Rules:
1. Nothing on "The List" can, shall, or will, ever die.
2. Nothing on "The List" can be removed completely. (Dots and dashes may be omitted)
3. Nothing on "The List" can be moved without dual consent of both Pete and Rich (sorry Tennessee).
Disclamer: To all people named Ray or Raymond, especially you Ray, don't take offense (see #327a) to any jokes and/or insults listed in this compilation. To all other people who might take offense to this list, good! It was intentional! C'mon. Get a Life People! (see #262)
The first two don’t need numbers (infact, they’re so cool, they get sound files):
- Nice (hold on...)
- Whoa.
Here are the rest (in no particular order):
1. You are so cool...(whack)...Ow, Raymond stop that.
1a. You are so cool...Ow, Raymond stop that...(whack).
2. Thingamaboober.
3. Animule.
4. Sorry Jerry.
5. Oh sorry, wrong number.
6. Nevermind...good album.
6a. Good album...Great album.
6b. White album. (see #381)
7. __________ rules...No, Anarchy rules.
8. Any and all Quigley-isms (see other list)
9. You crazy fool (Swedish accent).
10. I am a bearded lady
11. Really?...No, not really (deep voice).
12. 3 Cool Tool themes.
13. Hello, I’m a peanut.
14. Ouch...That hurt.
15. And that’s a good thing.
15a. And that’s a bad thing.
16. Any line from Anything Goes and/or Oliver.
17. Hey, wait, I’ve got a new complaint.
18. Don’t call me daughter, It’s not my name.
19. What would you say? Pete’s a monkey on a string.
20. Il mio male. No, e` tutti i nostri mali.
20a. Il mio male. Si, e` vero, e` sempre il tuo male.
21. Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat...Again?
21a. Hey, Marinucci, watch me pull an apple out of my beard (in Mr. Klein voice)...Again?
22. Aw, it didn’t work.
22a. Doh, it didn’t work.
23. What else could I say, Ray Barletta’s gay.
23a. Eis dein un dein purple cow? Ya dein un dein purple cow.
Eis dein un dein Raymond gay? Ya dein un dein Raymond gay. (see #35)
24. Really, there’s another verse.
24a. Really, I don’t molest squirrels (in Derek Cicerone voice).
25. Pete, you’re getting deep again.
25a. Superfly!
26. Pete: I turn into a pumpkin at midnight, guys. Jerry: It’s 12:15, Pete. Pete: Doh!
27. Oh, it’s you. You called me.
28. B.F. You’re good Rich.
28a. B.F. You’re good Pete...(see #22)
29. The Bat-Bazooka, which either came out of his utility belt or his @$$, whichever is more
believable.
30. Figs! Figs, I tell you.
31. Want cream of wheat, buttercup?
31a. Delaney, Clooney!
31b. He’s so human (Richard’s mom’s voice).
32. Well done Valkris, well done.
33. More human than human.
33a. More human than a big burlap sack of cumin.
34. Don’t make me have to kill you. Not again.
35. Eis dein un dein juice of orange? Ya dein un dein juice of orange.
Eis dein un dein Raymond gay? Ya dein un dein Raymond gay. (see #75)
36. How’d you do that? I don’t know (Grandpa Simpson voice).
37. But why a spoon, cousin? Because it’s dull, you twit, It’ll hurt more.
38. “I am,” I said, to no one there. And no one heard at all, not even the chair.
38a. Not even the chair?
38b. Not even the chair.
39. I should care BECAUSE...?
40. Smock.
41. Bamf. (see #329)
42. I’m laughing at the superior intellect.
43. It’s Log, it’s Log; It’s big, it’s heavy, it’s Pete.
44. I don’t think so Tim.
44a. I don’t think so Pete.
45. Rich: Hey Pete, want to go to Rocky Point? Pete: No. Rich: Why not. Pete: My dad says
I’ve had too much fun this weekend. Rich: (rolling on floor laughing).
45a. Pete’s patented FUN-O-METER!
46. LOL
46a. Land O’ Lakes?
47. The Damn Cellar.
47a. Every damn thing in the Damn Cellar.
48. Time is the fire in which we burn.
49. Burn, baby burn, Dante’s Inferno.
50. Bob Calabro: The Happy Woodsman. (with his green woodsman outfit, green hat, green
plastic molded elf shoes, liederhosen, and Happy Woodsman Accordian™®)
51. Bob, Bob, Bob; Bob, Bob Perino.
52. Yes. No. Fresno. ™®
53. Jay (and all Jay jokes).
54. (in Geoff Charles voice) Yeah!
54a. (in Geoff Charles voice) ‘HJY!
55. You’re on the mike, what’s your beef?
56. Well that’s not right.
57. Sorry, Ari.
58. Go away kid.
58a. Go away kid.
58b. Go away kid.
58c. Go away kid.
58d. Ray: I don’t get it. (see #87c)
59. Me gots to go.
60. Liesl.
61. You Ugly Hoser. You Mr. Bozzer.
61a. Mr. Bozzer Chant (Big Ben Chimes)
62. Canada. Moose. Hockey. Ay’!
62a. Canada. Moose. Hockey. Ay’! Beer (Foster’s beer voice).
63. O Canada (cool deep voice version).
64. Boston’s best beer, Bud Light (Bahstin accent).
65. Can opener. Foster’s. Beer.
66. It makes Pete-sense.
67. Everything Zen? I Don’t Think So.
68. anything said by Steve Raymond.
69. What’s your favorite color? I don’t know (high-pitched Gopal voice).
70. Ray Funaro Italian thing (with hands out and knees bent).
71. Scusi, vorrei un biglietto di andata e ritorno per Roma?
71a. In prima o seconda classe?
71b. In seconda classa per favore. Quanto costo il biglietto?
71c. Diecimila lire.
71d. Va bene. A che ora parte il treno?
71e. Alle quattordici al secondo binario.
71f. Ringrazio molto.
71g. Dovere mio.
72. Due to an error in numbering, number 72 does not exist. Therefore, what you see here isn't really here. Thank you. -The Management
73. What, terrifical force?
74. Giochiamo?
74a. Quale gioco?
74b. A nascondici.
74c. Va bene.
74d. Girati e conta fino al dieci, e poi cercami.
74e. Uno...Due...Tre...Quattro...Cinque...Sei...Sette...Otto...Nove...Dieci. Dove sei?
74f. Qui`...No, li!
74g. Non riesco ha trovarti!
74h. Ho vinto! (alternate: Vinny Turchetta pause)
75. Eis dein un dein it's Bob Saget? Ya dein un dein it's Bob Saget.
Eis dein un dein Ray a ...? Ya dein un dein Ray's a ...! (see #95)
76. Lente Loco! Muy something! Muy Loco! Esta noche a Univision.
77. Don’t make fun of how I tawk!
77a. Tawk.
77b. Ay, shaddup!
78. Click.
78a. It’s only 80 bytes! (in voice of #31b)
79. OK, I believe you. Jump in the limelight!
80. Jerry: I know the way, follow me! Pete & Rich: Oh no.
81. Vinny Tortorella: (in deep voice) Hey little kid, where’d you get that beard. Pete: (in Pete’s
bad accent voice) A-O; shaddup!
82. Ja mein Freund.
82a. Ja mein Rich.
83. Il mondo e` un vampiro.
83a. Metta vuotare.
83b. Distruttori secreti.
83c. Ti metto alla fiamme.
83d. Ma cosa mi prendo.
83e. Per il mio sforzo.
83f. Malgrado tutta mia rabbia, son’ancora un topo nel gabbia.
84. Who else would call you.
84a. Who else would e-mail you.
85. Vado al campagna, mangero` molte pesche. (x 4)
85a. Pesche venga da una scatola.
85b. Loro ha messo da un uomo, nella fabrica in centro.
85c. E` se ho il mio piccolo modo,
85d. Mangerei pesche ogni giorno.
85e. Inzuppato il sole bolgers nell’ ombra
85f. Millioni di pesche, pesche per me.
85g. Millioni di pesche, pesche per gratis. Guardia!
86. Bob’s Bistro, You Kill ‘Em, We Grill ‘Em!
87. Three peas walk into a bar. The bartender says, “You’re green.”
87a. Ha Ha Ha!!
87b. I don’t get it...
87c. And by the looks of it, you never will.
88. Sorry Petey.
88a. Don’t make me have to sing.
88b. Boy George.
88c. Do you really want to hurt me? or Karma, Karma, Karma, Karma, Karma
Chameleon!
89. Thunderfrog! One hop away from you!
90. It had to be Chu. (and all other Chu stuff.)
91. Dammit Jim, I’m a doctor not a barbituate!
92. Thank you, thank you very much. (push, push) (see #171)
93. Illogical. (push, push) (see #171)
94. Gopal? Gopal? GopalJerry? JerryGopal? Jerry, Gopal there? Gopal? Gopal, come home!
95. Eis dein un dein Peter hairy? Ya dein un dein Peter's hairy.
Eis dein un dein Ray a fairy? Ya dein un dein Ray's a fairy. (see #124)
96. Hey Genie, look at all the stuff we can thief from the shirts.
97. Hey J.C., J.C., you’re all right by me.
97a. “I’m God, I don’t need you’re approval!”
98. What does God need with a starship?
99. Everybody wants a rock to wind a piece of string around.
99a. Everybody wants prosthetic foreheads on their real heads.
100. Do. Or do not. There is no try.
100a. There is no #139.
101. It’s the udder phone. “Hello, Cow Central!”
102. The Battle Bridge. (on Hartford Ave.)
103. Paulie’s Pizza: “Take it home and eat it.”
103a. “Take it home and feed it to the dogs.”
103b. “Take it home and beat your wife with it.”
103c. “Take it home and step on it.”
103d. “Take it home and use it as a decorative wall ornament.”
104. Eh...Pahtato.
105. O-leeeeeevia!
106. Spam is made from ham...So it’s a hamburger.
106a. “What are you an idiot?”
107. “Wherever you go, there you are.”
107a. “Wherever you are, there you go.”
108. It’s sad when Pete is the voice of reason.
109. Pete’s hoarding.
110. Neato burrito!
110a. Eata fajita!
111. Dwarven Hell Donkeys are comin’!
112. Pete found and lost his soulmate in a matter of two days.
113. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do. Do the Anayra!
113a. Do the Missy! Two. (three) Two. (three)
114. The bird in the church.
115. Somewhere, over the rainbow. Weigh a cake.
116. Hit the deck, Barney’s gonna’...BLOW! (Barry White voice)
117. (see #400)
118. What are we going to do tonight, Pete? (Pinky voice)
118a. The same thing we do every night Rich. Talk for eight hours about absolutely nothing.
(Brain voice)
118b. They’re Richie, they’re Richie and the Nooch, Nooch, Nooch, Nooch, NOOCH!
119. Cows in the buttermilk. Moo, cow, moo!
120. Remember in November, in November when you vote.
121. Go to hell in a handbag.
121a. It’s handbasket, you idiot!
122. Brown eggs are local eggs, and local eggs are fresh.
123. ABC easy as 3.141592654
124. Eis dein un dein boats on pier? Ya dein un dein boats on pier.
Eis dein un dein Ray a queer? Ya dein un dein Ray's a queer. (see #145)
125. Dang-a-rang!
125a. Dang-a-rang-A!
126. Martha Stewart.
127. Like a lightbulb!
128. The Nexus: The hair salon where time has no bearing.
129. Know what? No what?
130. Pete’s “extra credit”.
131. For over 20 years now, we’ve been feeling the punch. Of the funky dude in antlers from
Hawaiian Punch. (Hawaiian Punch.) Seven fruits are blended for a taste that’s one of a kind.
But keep your eye on Punchie, boy, he’ll get you every time.
131a. Hawaiian Punch, how bout’ it?
132. Anyhoo.
132a. Any Whoo in Whooville.
133. She’s cool!
133a. Genie’s great!
133b. She’s a goddess.
134. Ewe, ewe, ewe-Baa-oughta know!
134a. I get it!! Baa! Sheep! (see #22a)
135. Kosher Christmas cookies?
136. Jim-Dor jokes.
137. That’s why we love you, Pete.
138. Pete don’t get mad!
139.
139a. We told you so.
140. Bingo.
140a. B-4 what?
140b. B-4 and after! (No, Rich)
140c. I-19, you Jane.
140d. I-19. No you’re not!
140e. M-32??
140f. Oh, 62.
140g. What’s wrong with this lady?
141. ...and let us walk with each other...
142. Disk 6 of 4
143. This is pretty sad that we have 142 of these.
144. Or more.
145. Eis dein un dein Uncle Ben? Ya dein un dein Uncle Ben.
Eis dein un dein Ray like men? Ya dein un dein Ray likes men. (see #162)
146. Gene Kelly lives.
147. Ramon Boutella.
147a. Dennignham
148. Guess what?
148a. What?
148b. I don’t know. Guess what?
148c. What?
148d. I still don’t know. Guess what?
148e. What?
148f. I don’t think I’ll ever know.
149. No, you twit!
150. Coo.
150a. No, not coo.
150b. Cow?
151. Doo-ha.
152. Damn you Aunt May, and all you stand for.
152a. Which isn’t much because you’re a little floating head. (see #228)
153. No need.
153a. No need for no need.
154. Ah-so...ohm...ohm...(see #25).
155. Ciao, ciao Signorina crostata d'america.
155a. Guidavo mio Chevy all'imposta,
155b. Ma l'imposta era asciutto.
155c. E` buono vecchio giovani, bevono whisky e segala,
155d. Cantano, "Questo sara` il giorno che moriro`"
156. Santa, be reasonable.
156a. Rabbi, eat something.
157. Make the hurting stop!
158. E` come piove.
158a. Del tuo sposolizio.
158b. E` una passegiata per gratis,
158c. Quando pagavi gia`.
158d. E` il buon cosiglio,
158e. Che tu non prendi.
158f. E chi pensarebbe,
158g. Lo figura.
159. You're yellah.
159a. Wuh?
159b. Your mustard, it's yellah.
159c. Well so-oh-oh what?
160. Hello, you fool ... come join the joyride. (see #340)
161. Well, you know, these things happen.
162. Eis dein un dein Cosmo Kramer? Ya dein un dein Cosmo Kramer.
Eis dein un dein Ray a flamer? Ya dein un dein Ray's a flamer. (see #177)
163. Charlie Don't Surf
163a. Petey Don't Surf
164. Soylent Green is made from people!
164a. Is People!
165. She's a witch, she's a witch!
165a. How do you know?
165b. She looks like one.
165c. She turned me into a newt.
165d. A newt?
165e. It got better.
166. What are you gonna do, bleed on me?
167. What is your name?
167a. Sir Robin of Camelot.
167b. What is your quest?
167c. I search the grail.
167d. What is the capitol of Assyria?
167e. Well...I don't know! ... aaaaagh!
168. Megan Ho! (in Jeff Jackson Nazi voice)
169. Well that's awfully trite.
170. Point of order.
170a. Point of personal order.
170b. Point of personal hygene.
170c. Point of order. (pull, pull)
171. Push, Push.
171a. Push, Push.
171b. Pull, Pull.
171c. Shove, Shove.
172. That's funny.
173. Haava nageela.
173a. Haav two nageela.
173b. Haav three nageela.
173c. Haav four, they're small...hey!
173d. Haava na ru-na-na.
173e. Haava na ru-na-na.
173f. Haava na ru-na-na...ooh, dis good deal!
173g. Ooh, Hakeem Olajuwon-a.
173h. Ooh, Hakeem Olajuwon-a.
173i. Ooh, Hakeem Olajuwon-a.
173j. Ooh, Hakeem Olajuwon-a.
173k. Ooh, Hakeem.
173l. Ooh, Hakeem.
173m. Ooh, Hakeem Olajuwon...hey!
173n. Ooh, Hakeem Olajuwon...hey!
173o. Ooh-Ha-keem-O-laj-uw-on.
174. Hey, hey, hey...this is a family program! (accredited to Pete Cook)
175. I'm your only friend, I'm not your only friend, but I'm a little glowing friend, but really I'm
not actually your friend, but I am.
176. Fingertips. Fingertips.
176a. I hear the wind blow. I hear the wind blow. It seems to say: "Hello, Hello, I'm the one who
loves you so."
176b. Come on and wreck my car.
176c. Aren't you the guy who hit me in the eye?
176d. Please pass the milk, Please.
176e. What's that blue thing doing here?
176f. I'm having a heart attack. I'm having a heart attack.
177. Eis dein un dein TV Tag? Ya dein un dein TV Tag.
Eis dein un dein Ray a fag? Ya dein un dein Ray's a fag. (see #207)
178. Si, no, no. Si, no, no.
179. Help me, Spock.
180. Two and a half priests.
181. You're pathetic, Rich.
181a. You're pathetic, Pete.
181b. We're pathetic, you.
182. Watch out for snakes.
182a. Who said that?
183. Apple brown Betty.
183a. Woo-hoo!
183b. Apple brown Betty.
183c. Yeah-Heah!
184. Margaritaville.
185. Come a little bit closer, your my kind of man, so big and so strong.
185a. Come a little bit closer, your my kind of man, and the night is so long.
185b. Vamoose, Jose's on his way.
185c. And out through the window I ran.
185d. Waa-waa.
186. Only on weekends.
187. We are the knights who say Nee!
188. Minimum wage...Yaah.
189. Dot, Dot, Dot, Dash.
190. Mr. Woodel.
191. Mr. Sheldon.
191a. Mr. Shelton.
192. Always look on the bright side of life.
193. Here and Thayer.
194. To Boldly Go Where No Man (Yes I said Man, not One, Man! Man! Man! Man!) Has Gone
Before.
195. Bob Cicione's antics.
196. The guy with the shotgun at Vasa Park.
197. The crop circle at Vasa Park.
198. The stick fighting at Vasa Park.
199. The Gateway to Hell at Vasa Park.
200. The guy at Warriner's Publishing Co. (you know, the guy that writes the lame stories
separated into 25 sentences in the Grammar books at school)
201. Curried Beef?
201a. A curried god is a happy god.
202. Vir, Vir, Vir, Virginia Rand.
203. Jim Wheeler
204. 6th Grade Playhouse.
204a. Missy, this play sucks.
205. Chariot of Fire
205a. Chariot of Fire-A
206. Pete: Hey, Rich, guess what? I made Martha a snowman today. Rich: You made her a
snowman? Pete: Yeah, it's made out of concrete. Rich: CAN SHE BREATHE?
207. Eis dein un dein horn go toot? Ya dein un dein horn go toot.
Eis dein un dein Ray a fruit? Ya dein un dein Ray's a fruit. (see #224)
208. Why are they painting themselves red?
209. Spoon.
210. They were delighted to see a field of daffodils climbing up the hill.
211. The house was built by Miss Borden, who later became Mrs. Gruber, at a price of
$200,000.
212. We saw Hal Winters kick a field goal from the grandstand.
213. The contraption in the corner appealed to people that lit up at intervals and emitted
steam.
214. Psycho-killer, Nescafe`.
215. He is fighting like a monkey.
216. You see, it's called a rhumba frappaccino because it's dancing the rhumba in that little
machine over there...oh nevermind. (see #6)
217. Ray: They have tall, grande, and verde. Pete: Verde? Why is it green?
218. "You see it's venti because there's 20 ounces. Venti means 20 in Italian."
218a. Why is she saying this? All five of us speak Italian...even the Indian kid.
219. Pete's dad stealing the lollipops at Starbucks.
219a. "What the hell, I'm paying five bucks for a glass of water with beans in it."
220. Penny Lane is in my ears and in my eyes. Where beneath the blue suburban skies, I sit and
eat wild rice.
221. Words are flying out like endless rain into a paper kaup.
222. N'goppa goulette.
223. Woo, I say woo.
224. Eis dein un dein Hideo Nomo? Ya dein un dein Hideo Nomo.
Eis dein un dein Ray a homo? Ya dein un dein Ray's a homo. (see #253)
225. Little Miss Corn Pone.
225a. Vic DiMone.
225b. Rent-to-own.
225c. The Neutral Zone.
225d. Mas Calzone.
225e. Billy Citrone.
225f. Joe Mollicone.
225g. Home Alone.
225h. Accident Prone.
225i. Orange Cone. (Mom come back!)
225j. Bob Cicione.
225k. Sylvester Stallone
225l. Spider-clone.
225m. Money to loan.
225n. Pete's lack of tone.
225o. All roads lead to Rome.
225p. You must atone.
225q. You old crone.
225r. Powers to hone.
225s. Eating a skoan.
225t. Collar Bone.
225u. Cable's clone. (Which one?)
225v. Big Spacone.
225w. Piece of Torrone.
225x. Mighty Mighty Bosstone
225y. Superunknown
226. I'm going on break...ungh...get this thing off me!
227. This is the dawning of the Age of Apocalypse, Age of Apocalypse, Apocalypse!
228. Aunt May's floating head is the third Onslaught entity!
228a. There is no third Onslaught entity, Pete.
229. Hey, Cannonball finally hit puberty!
230. Rich: Hey Pete, your parents like me more than they like you. Pete: No kidding.
230a. Pete: Hey Rich, your parents like me more than they like you. Rich: No kidding.
231. Squeeze the duck.
232. That's high quality humor.
233. The Patented Pete-Fade.
234. Woo-Hoo!
235. Moving on...
236. I wanna be a Dentist! (in lisp)
237. Whisper words of wisdom...Let It Die.
238. We can't beat on Rich, he's too non-descript.
239. Jerry: Hey Rich, I just spilt some Ice Tea. Hey Pete, Let me see your shirt. Pete: It's got a
dog on it. Jerry: No, I want to wipe up my tea.
240. Austin setting everything on fire.
241. Austin: You know, it rained yesterday. Rich: Gee...really? Austin: Hey, are you mocking
me?
242. Hey, Austin you're stupid. "Are you making fun of me?" No. "Oh."
243. Gee Davey, you think it's God?
244. Rich: Jerry, can you hear me? Jerry, can you hear me? Jerry, can you hear me? Jerry, can
you hear me? Jerry: Shut up Rich!
244a. The firework that exploded in Jerry's face.
245. Jerry: Hey Pete, have you been here before? Pete: Er, yeah. Jerry: Before last year? Pete:
Er, yeah. Jerry: Do they play bingo every year? Pete: Er, yeah. Rich: Can we take the floor
home?
246. Lon Dorts.
247. Bay-Bay (Harry Connick Jr.)
248. Pete: Hey, don't look now, but there's a hick coming this way. Jerry: (Throws stuff on
ground and runs away.)
249. Rich: Jerry, why aren't we going through the normal path? Jerry: There's a lady with a blue
and white shirt following us and she scares me. Pete: Jerry, she's probably just a ghost.
250. Austin...Houston...Dallas...Santa Fe
250a. Rich, Jerry and Ray(in unison): That's in New Mexico, you idiot!
251. Jerry: (Walking through poison grass towards Gateway to Hell.) Rich: Jerry, if you want to
go that way, you can...but we're taking the road back.
252. On a scale of 1 to 10, how random is this question?
253. Eis dein un dein Douglas Ramsey? Ya dein un dein Douglas Ramsey.
Eis dein un dein Ray a pansy? Ya dein un dein Ray's a pansy. (see #269)
254. B-1 with the force, Luke.
254a. B-2...or not to be.
254b. B-9 tumor.
254c. sixty, 60. "What?"
254d. Jerry: 64, 64. Lady: 62...63...65...66 Jerry: They surrounded my number.
254e. Lady: 44 Decrepit Old Woman: 44 on what letter?
254f. Rich: (to lady)What number? (to Jerry)Que`? Lady: No, it's in the shape of an "H".
254g. (see #140g)
255. Rich: I've got Bingo. Lady: Already?!
256. The Mutant Green Card.
257. Austin: You guys are probably scared of me or something. Pete(shocked and
dumbfounded): Scared of you? You should be scared of us!
258. K-E-W-L...KEWL!
258a. Orange Milk?
259. Want some milk, Charlie?
259a. No, I don't want any damn milk!
260. Buxdehude.
260a. And I would walk five hundred miles, and I would walk five hundred more. Just to be the
schlep who walked a thousand miles to see Buxdehude play. Hi-yi-yi! Hi-yi-yi! Hi-yi-yi! Hi-yi-yi!
Hi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi!
261. Where's the bass at?
261a. tweeter, tweeter.
261b. Where's the bass at?
261c. tweeter, tweeter.
262. Read on true believers! Excelsior! 'Nuff Said!
263. A Shrubbery!
263a. Another Shrubbery!
264. Anything else from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
265. ...infomercials...unites us all.
266. Thank the Lord for His glorius gift of...infomercials.
267. Hey that's Morgan Freeman! No, that's Ziggy Marley! No it isn't, it's Maxi Priest!
267a. Max Pax.
268. Hey, it's the Gorden Fisherman!
269. Eis dein un dein phaser stunning? Ya dein un dein phaser stunning!
Eis dein un dein Ray like ...? Ya dein un dein Ray like ...! (see #281)
270. P-706
270a. Well, you see, the seven and the six add up to thirteen, while P is not the thirteenth letter
of the alphabet. Also, thirteen and seven are both prime numbers, and if you reduce the six, you
get three and two, which are both prime.
270b. Did you plan that, because that was pretty smooth.
270c. It's a gift.
271. When was the last time you saw a dog running with it's tail running with it's tail between it's
legs?
271a. Why, I saw one just the other day.
272. Cool Guy Dave.
273. Jerry: Rich, you're the coolest person in the world!
273a. Jerry takes the last piece of Richard's gum and Richard kicks him in the butt
repeatedly.
273b. Jerry: Rich, you're no longer the coolest person in the world!
273c. Jerry can't find the Monopoly disk, and Richard takes the box of disks and magically takes
out the Monopoly disk.
273d. Jerry: Rich, you're once again the coolest person in the world!
274. There are no half-syllables!
275. This is your MST3K MEMBERSHIP CARD. Display it proudly, carry it always. Keep it
close to your heart, because if you keep it in your back pocket it will get all sweaty and yucky
and start to come apart and you won't want to show it to anyone. Or, you could take it to one of
those places at the bus station that have those neat laminating machines and make it way cool.
Or, don't. See if we care. In any case thanks for being a new member.
276. Sweet Potato Soul.
276a. Rich: Does anyone know the actual words to that song? Pete and Lisa(in unison):
Uh...Deeper Shade of Soul. Rich: (see #22a)
276b. The Olympics were in Seoul.
277. The Mir space probe!
277a. It's the Mir station Pete, not the Mir probe!
278. Travis, Travis, come quick, it's a roan bull gone mad!
279. The bone in Edda's node.
280. No Yudy!
281. Eis dein un dein Botany Bay? Ya dein un dein Botany Bay.
Eis dein un dein Raymond gay? Ya dein un dein Raymond gay. (see #319)
282. The end theme to the Benny Hill Show.
283 The theme to Doug.
284. The theme to Night Court.
285. Pete's mom starting up a hora.
286. He's a real Nowere Man, Monday nights on UPN.
286a. He's a real Nowhere Man, living in his Nowhere Van, Driving his Nowhere Sedan to
Peabody.
287. The Coke Bears!
288. Ray's Music notebook.
289. Er.
289a. Ur.
289b. The Temple at Ur.
289c. Abram was born at Ur.
290. '3 Steeple Street'- Now Located at 125 Canal St., Providence, RI, 02903
291. Salvation, Salvation, Salvation is real.
291a. ...free.
291b. ...great.
291c. ...here.
291d. ...near.
292. Tell me all your thoughts on Cod. 'Cause I'd really like to eat it.
293. Opportune.
294. Elisabeth: Rape! Ray: What? I'm right here.
295. Pete(in closet): Hey, you locked me in! Rich: Er, no. Pete(still in closet): Hey, you're
pushing on the door. Rich: Er, no. Pete(yet again, in closet): Then someone else is on the other
side. Rich: Er, no. (Pete rams door repeatedly and then pushes it open, finding Rich on the other
side of the room)
296. Uhura doing an infomercial.
297. The Book: A list of stuff that Pete can't do on trips to Cape Cod.
298. Dishwater: Counting blue cows.
299. By Odin's beard, I say thee nee!
300. ...This is the list that doesn't end. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends. Two wackos started
making it, not knowing what it was. And they continued making it forever just because- This is
the list that doesn't end. Yes, it goes on and on, my friends...
301. I can't hang up!
302. Peter scares the animals.
303. Me wee bonnie boat.
303a. (To Ray) Is he ...
304. One...Two...Two and a half...Two and three quarters...Two and seven eighths...
305. December 1995 ad Infinatred
306. Rich: Oh, sorry, that's me putting the car in neutral.
306a. Rich: Mrs. Marinucci, I'm putting the car in park, ok?
307. Pete: I'm never wrong. It's just, sometimes people are more right than me.
307a. (after Pete says he's wrong about something) Rich: Yes I finally got Pete to admit he's
wrong! This is the first time! Pete: Don't exaggurate. It's been about five times.
308. I am the Scarlet Pimpernel.
308a. They search for him here, they search for him there. Those darn Frenchies search for him
everywhere. Is he in heaven, or is he in...hell? (Aaaah!-lady from Polaner All-Fruit commercial
falls back in chair) That gosh-darned blasted pimpernel.
308b. I am a poet, and I didn't even know it.
308c. Why does he have a spoon on his chin?
309. Grunt. (hey look, it's Yvette the maid from the movie Clue)
309b. (see #168)
310. Someday son, all this will be yours.
310a. What, the curtains?
310b. No, not the curtains.
311. Te-hee!
312. Boingy-Boingy-Boingy-Boingy!
313. I'm Tigger! I'm Tigger! I-I-I-I-I-I'm Tigger!
314. "...Furniture City's package pricing!" (someone shoot those kids)
315. Wa chu talkin bout, Willis?
315a. Danny Bon-a-du-chi
315b. Naaaaaaar. (In Tom DeFalco voice)
316. This is sad that we have 315 of these.
317. Or more.
317a. (see #143)
318. Bela Caroli (in Belly Canoli voice): Conan, I have something to tell you. Look, my little 25
pound girls can do it. You, you are almost a man, you can do it! Keri Strug (in Ray's Keri Strug
voice): You can do it Conan!
319. Eis dein un dein lots of noise? Ya dein un dein lots of noise.
Eis dein un dein Ray likes ...? Ya dein un dein Ray likes ...! (see #328)
320. Life is a Gife
320a. Abortion is Stupid (stooooopid)
320b. I Lov Love Life
320c. Happy Birthday Dr. Locker!
320d. Pete and Rich(looking confused): Who the hell is Dr. Locker?!
321. The Vested Pete!
321a. Pete is one of the Great Wolenedez Brothers!
321b. "Pete, before you do the trapeze and the high wire, Lisa is going to get you some knives
and a blindfold and then she'll stand over by the wall."
322. "I think that no clothing is more attractive than long skirts and dresses."
323. Any song and/or reference to Godspell.
323a. Any song and/or reference to Hendricken's version of Godspell.
324. Oh. Grr.
325. "The Jackson 5ive"
326. The girls that stalked us at the feast. (no Ray, not the eight year old)
327. An Irishman might take offense to this.
327a. Or maybe even a gate.
328. Eis dein un dein shopping cart? Ya dein un dein shopping cart.
Eis dein un dein Ray a tart? Ya dein un dein Ray a tart! (see #351)
329. Lugnut.
330. What's all this bru-ha-ha?
330a. Bru-ha-ha?
330b. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! (slam)
330c. Ha ha ha, hey! Don't you want your door knocker?
330d. We already have one!
330e. But this is your door knocker!
330f. See, I told you.
331. He stopped on a dime. Unfortunately, the dime was in Mr. Roccoco's pocket.
331a. The Rocco Co.
332. Pete shoved the wire into the sound card and made it work.
333.Yoshi Momma Fire Plant
334. 2 Legit, 2 Legit to quit.
334a. 2 Legit, 2 Legit 4 Lit.
334b. 2 Legit, 2 Legit to...(see #70).
335. Pete did you get a perm?
336. Ay, You! Gold?
337. Eli, Eli, lema sabachtani? (He is invoking Elijah.)
337a. WHICH MEANS:
337b. My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?
338. BJ's got a raspy voice. He sounds a little like Rod Stewart.
338a. "If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy..."
338b. Pete and Rich (in unison): BJ!!!
339. There's the old devil moon in your eye!
339a. Oh my God, it's in my eye, get it out!
339b. It's in URI!
340. Hello, you fool ... come join the hayride. (see #160)
341. I've got a golden ticket.
341a. I've got a golden spicket in my eye...Ow!
342. Guys, it's 2 a.m., WOULD YOU PLEASE GO TO SLEEP!!
343. Hey man, I don't have any change. How're we gonna call the 'rents?
343a. You don't need change to call home.
343b. It's MAX JEROME!!
344. Krafty Kathy...(whip)
345. Sir Jerry...(jerk)
346. Martha of Ambrose Pass...(she's an elf!)
347. Panama Jack
348. "Hey, you can get three sandwiches at Subway..." "What a great deal!" (uproarious
laughter)
349. The Mickey Mouse bathing suit.
349a. Panama Jack again. (huh.)
350. Garr
351. "It's allright, it's allright, it's allright. Ray moves with mysterious gays..." (see #383)
352. Mike (or is it Chris?...maybe Steve...)
352a. Mike [or is it Chris?...maybe Steve...] (in Garr's Richard Simmons voice):"Hey Mike, I'm
Garr, I'm your new neighbor. I'm special!"
353. Chad (because we promised him...)
354. The Lemon Squeeze!
354a. The Lemon Squeeze three times!
354b. The Lemon Squeeze packet!
355. Is that the same river?
356. "You know, I hear that that's Loon Mountain."
357. Bob the Polar Caves guy.
358. The naturally occuring megaphones and red buttons at Polar Caves.
359. Pete's walking rock.
360. Watch out, Pete's in flirting mode!
361. Pete flirting at Hobo Hills mini golf. ("She's Cute." "No she isn't." "Who Cares?")
362. 'The Bad Seed' - twice!
362a. "What do I get for a basket of kisses?"
362b. "I'll give you a basket of hugs!"
362c. "Mommy, mommy, you're my favorite mommy!" "Okay, sweetheart, that makes up for you
being a serial killer."
362d. "They'll find that stick with their stick bloodhounds!" "Huh?"
362e. Leh-roy
363. Pete, is that a big man on the mountain?
363a. Pete, is that light on the mountain a UFO?
363b. Rich, is that a giant white football sticking out of the mountain?
363c. Pete, is this the second coming?
364. Ahh! Is that the moon? It is! Ahh!
364a. Why the hell is it moving so fast? Are we supposed to be seeing it move?
365. Come and stay at the Drummer Boy Inn.
365a.You'll get a real nice room at the Drummer Boy Inn.
365b.You'll get a double bed at the Drummer Boy Inn.
365c.So come and spend your cash at the Drummer Boy Inn, Drummer Boy Inn, Drummer Boy
Inn.
365d. They've got an indoor pool at the Drummer Boy Inn.
366. Lady at front desk: "Do you stay here?"
367. The whip. (from Clarke's)
368. The 3 milion red heads at Canobie Lake Park. ("Rich, you're having Erin
withdrawals.")
369. The fake Italian food at Canobie Lake Park. (is this Chicken?)
370. $10.80 on pay phone bills.
371. The Red-Head frisbee.
372. Pete's 17th birthday party. (in August)
373. The big razor.
374. You ugly Doogie Howser, with Ginnik on your tie.
374a. huh?
375. "Help, help, there's a snake in my boots!"
375a. "Help, help, there's a snake in my boots!"
375b. "Help, help, there's a snake in my boots!"
375c. "Help, help, there's a snake in my boots!"
376. Pete: "So, if we say something four times, it goes on The List, ok?"
377. Marianne's friends: The Dart Man and Thomas. (here's my number)
378. "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph's on the phone!"
379. "I just need to spend one more quarter. I can stop anytime."
380. Grr...GARR!
381. Red Album.
381a. Blue Album.
381b. Black Album. (nah)
381c. Brown Album.
381d. Clear Album. (What a rip-off!)
381e. Jew Album!
382. "I've finally found Excalibur 82! I've fulfilled my life-long purpose!"
382a. "I don't know which is more sad, the fact that you fulfilled your life-long purpose at age
17, or the fact that finding Excalibur 82 is your life-long purpose."
383. Eis dein un dein TV's Don Pardo? Ya dein un dein TV's Don Pardo.
Eis dein un dein Ray at Gerardo's? Ya dein un dein Ray at Gerardo's! (see #402)
384. (poke, poke) Smell my hair. Give me your shoes.
385. eeee! (pre-pubescent usher girl from Trinity)
386. (Pete tries to steal the little shrine from The Little Dragon restaurant) Pete: Aw, they won't miss the shrine. Ray: You can't steal a shrine!
386a. (little Chinese woman) No! My shrine! My shrine!
387. Rich: Hey Pete, did you ever notice that the old Milwalkee Brewers logo isn't just a glove; it's an M and a B. Pete: Oh my God, you just ruined my whole outlook on life.
388. run dun din din beowipp (sound made when looking at Erin and Rich's 1997 Winter Ball picture)
389. The "Ya-ya's"
389a. The "Ya-ya busters"
390. Cheese and Rice!
391. "Nothing can move The Blob!"
392. "I'll kill you Macari!"
393. Pete's a player.
393a. (after 'Noises Off') Now we have proof!
394. My momma sold me for a pickle.
394a. My momma sold me for (see #279)
395. Ay, Oh Well! (After hours of trying to log on to America On Line)
396. Spiffy! (and all spiff-type phrases)
397. Pete's heart boxers.
398. Momix.
399. Pete's small hopping Christmas gift.
400. (see #117)
401. Thou should not kill.
402. Eis dein un dein Debbie Dunning? Ya dein un dein Debbie Dunning.
Eis dein un dein Ray like ...? Ya dein un dein Ray like ...! (see #426)
403. Father Francis II.
404. Father Francis II coughing up phlegm in the middle of a homily.
405. The Paschal Mystery of Ishtar.
406. How many velvet cows did it take to make that shirt?
407. Ziph.
408. Angry Jesus Meets X-Man!
408a. Jesus: I'm angry. Bless you, Nate.
408b. X-Man: I can't control my powers! Help!!
408c. The premature end of Christianity.
409. Pete: Hey, Rich, did you understand that second reading?
409a. Rich: Hey, Pete, did you understand the last part of the Gospel?
410. Any reference to Waiting For Godot.
410a. Any reference to Hendricken's version of Waiting For Godot.
411. for information.
412. It's a Parabola...named Frank!
413. Rich's dad really stuck the wire into the sound card and made it work. (see #332)
414. "Screw you hippie" -Chris Daley
415. Daley.
416. One Earth. One Sky. One Ocean. One Solution. Equinox.
417. Signs, signs, everywhere are signs. **Bleeping** up the scenery, breaking my mind. Do this, don't do that, can't you read the signs? Sign says you gotta have a membership card to get inside.
417a. Huh!
418. Supergiu.
419. SuperJew!
419a. MOSES!
420. The Last Butterfly. Killed at Auschwitz. April fourth. Nineteen forty-one.
421. Pete and Ricca's "escapade" at Harvard.
422. Lauren at Dramafest - Superfreak!
423. "Pete, I went to your house the other day and your dad got really deep. It scared me."
424. "Pete, we just held a conversation without refering to The List!"
424a. "Oh, wait."
425. Pete's Alphabet.
426. Eis dein un dein Godzilla's thunderous thighs? Ya dein un dein Godzilla's thunderous thighs.
Eis dein un dein Ray like guys? Ya dein un dein Ray like guys! (see #459)
427. We’re dead, so we can’t talk. All we can do is eat and not talk.
428. Rich is really the Fonz. His stage name is Henry Winkler and he does his own motercycle stunts.
429. The Dent Plus Girl™
429a. The Dent Plus Girl™ at the feast (see #436)
429b. “I wasn’t even born years ago, but I like the fries at St. Bart’s Feast.”
430. “Hello Big Boy.”
430a. “Hello Little Woman.”
430b. “Hello Louisa May Alcott’s Little Woman”
431. The Steve Miller Band at the Feast- “Father Joeker, he’s a smoker...”
432. Jessica Deware
432a. “Oh my, you’re all grown up...”
432b. “Yup, he’s noticed them.”
433. The free publicity for the fry booth.
433a. Brother 2 Pasty White Guy
434. “Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s give it up for my Brother, Mister Richard Gomes!”
434a. We know his name, nitwit.
435. “Not A Peck” - The Song.
436. “Hi, I was just wondering, are you the Dent Plus Girl™?”
437. “Pete, you know Billy Joel? Maybe he’ll sing for us!”
438. “Pete, you know Cheri Oteri? Maybe she’ll do something funny for us!”
439. Pete and Ricca- “Frepple”
440. The Jolly Pecker.
440a. “It’s not nuclear.”
441. Little. Yellow. Different.
441a. Jackie Chan?
442. Geechie Guy!
443. Skippy
443a. Skip
443b. It’s skip, it’s dope, it’s soap; It’s Skip Dope Soap!
444. He’s rough, he’s rugged, he’s full of ... Sugar.
445. The “empty chair” next to Rich at the Turkey Trot.
446. Candy Corn.
446a. Ewwww.
447. Candy Corn Art.
447a. “Happy Hitler”
448. A-ghee, a-gha, a-goo!
449. “What the heck, I’m not a peck.” (see #435)
450. “Craptacular!”
451. Another pin?! Wow, even more Buddy Cianci paraphernalia!
452. Stop in the name of LUVS; before I wet myself. They spill over...
453. “Hey Pete, I’m in Florida. Did I mention I was going to Florida?”
454. ‘Colon Removal’
455. Worship the Goya! Bow down to the Goya!
455a. Spill the Goya!
455b. Goya ... Goya ... Goya ...
456. Kickball with Mrs. Stringfellow.
456a. “It’s the only thing we learned!!”
456b. “well, that and ‘Dead Man’s Stare.’”
457. Kickball wars with Mr. Wheeler.
457a. “Boomer” (I’m Suing Burger King!)
457b. “The Rocket”
458. The Arougala Song
458a. Arougala
458b. McDougala
458c. Meshuggalah
459. Eis dein un dein tomatoes not vegetables? Ya dein un dein tomatoes not vegetables.
Eis dein un dein Ray a transsexual? Ya dein un dein Ray a transsexual! (see # )
460. “You know, we had a whole conversation without mentioning the list... Oops.” (see #424)
461. 4Q2USHL
462. “Thanks for the meatballs, kid. Just say my name and you won’t get a ticket in Providence.”
463. The “SandWich Project”
464. Life Force
464a. “Why is there a big eyeball in the middle of his brain?”
464b. “and why is there a dragon in his intestines?”
465. Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A B A (Select) Start
465a. The Contra Code
466. Rich’s William Wordsworth hat: “The World is Too Much With Us”
467. Pete and Rich’s pants falling at the TMBG Concert.
467a. “Conga!”
468. ‘Cossack’ Brand
468a. Super Mario Shots
469. "EEET'S A-ME!! MAAARIOOOO!!!"
469a. “Who the hell talks like that???”