This was written by one of our ladies to a new member. I thought it might be helpful to future and prospective members.

You had some very interesting questions. Some of them were the same as mine when I first started. Others surprised me. I will give you the best answers that I know how to do.

1. Are we too old for this sort of thing? Actually, it is very common for people, especially women, to wait until our age to realize this fantasy of being spanked. I know this from reading the newsgroups concerning spanking and also from reading everything I could find on the internet about spanking. Personally, I believe you are never too old to realize a dream of any kind. I envy the younger women of today who are not afraid to make their wishes concerning spanking come true; but, I believe that some things happen for a reason and I believe for myself that I couldn't have done it any sooner than I did. I am just glad that I didn't wait any longer than I did.

2. Does it matter if we're not "sexy" or "beautiful" like in the magazines and TV? I think the terms sexy and beautiful are relative anyway. How many people in your day to day life do you meet who you truly think of as sexy or beautiful? You have to realize that Steven Stegal is not going to be spanking you. We are all ordinary people who come in all shapes and degrees of "beauty". Myself, I had 15 operations in a six month period about 16 years ago. My body has scars that I was afraid to allow anyone to see. No one has even noticed them to my knowledge. It is not really any different in spanking than in other life experiences: true beauty is within.

3. Are there any dues/fees in the group? No. Just your own expenses.

4. Are the men really safe? Yes, this is about fun, not violence.

5. Should our fantasies be revealed to the man ahead of time? I think everything you want to happen or do not want to happen during play time should be expressed. They cannot read our minds. I realize how difficult it is to express yourself about these things the first time. It has not been that long ago that I faced the same thing. There is nothing you can say that you desire or do not desire that an experienced spanker has not heard before. In order for this to be a pleasurable experience for you, try to make yourself verbalize your desires.

6. Do the "spankers" mind if you "fight" them and/or cry a lot? What makes it best for them? Number one rule: have a safeword. A safeword is the word you choose to stop the play at any time. You will never have a problem with a member of our group disregarding a safeword. They simply would not be in the group if it ever happened. A safeword allows you to struggle, wiggle and try to escape all you want to without worrying about ending the play. A good spanker "reads" your body language. Today, I received a very hard spanking (by my choice) and struggled more than I ever have. My spanker pinned my legs with his and continued the spanking. There was never any doubt in my mind that if I had safeworded he would have stopped. It allowed me the freedom to act out my part of the fantasy. As far as crying goes, I think that the spankers love it when we cry if that is our desire. It is a cleansing thing and it allows them to cuddle us and let us know that we are forgiven. What makes it best for the spanker is to provide us with the utmost fulfillment from the spanking. The spanker achieves their pleasure from our pleasure in the spanking.

7. Were you ever bothered by this play from an ethical standpoint? If so, how did you get over it? Yes, I was bothered by it most of my life which is why I did not act on the desire until I was 42. Like I said, I was physically abused as a child and could not come to terms with why I would wish to be "hurt" when I had hated it so much as a child. I finally realized that I wished for the LOVING discipline that I did not get as a child. I think I needed the maturity I now have in order to come to this realization. That is probably the real reason for my waiting until now to act on the desires and fantasies.

8. Are the men "knowledgeable" about how not to damage (e.g., bruises and such)? From my experience, yes, the men in our group are very knowledgeable. I am fair skinned and I bruise easily. As such, it is sometimes difficult for me to receive the type of spanking I desire without having a small blemish or two or maybe an actual bruise. Again, make your desires known before playing. If you are adamant about not having a bruise after the spanking, tell the spanker this. I think that occasionally we get a bruise by accident that no one foresees. Some people, like me, just bruise easily. I think we also bruise more easily when we first start getting spanked than we do after we have become somewhat accustomed to it. That is just my opinion though.

9. What should I wear or not wear? Pantyhose should not be high on your list. Nor should pants. That said, wear what you want, but it should be something that easy to remove. Thigh-Hi's are nice and some men like garters and hose. It depends a lot on the fantasy you are acting out. For instance, in a uncle/niece type of fantasy, I would wear a particular dress that I found for that purpose. It is a sundress, white with little sprigs of flowers on it. It is fitted at the top and has a full skirt. The full skirt is important since you need the fullness to raise during the spanking. I wear white panties with this dress, usually cotton to perpetuate the fantasy. Usually I don't wear hose of any kind for this particular dress since a little girl would not be wearing hose. I wear white sandals with it. I have long hair and sometimes I pull it away from my face with a white bow. With all that white, I may sound angelic, but let me assure you that within me is a little devil. LOL The outfit gives an illusion of someone younger than my age without making me look like I am trying to appear thus. Dressing for spanking is an area that I am particularly fond of and I would be most happy to help you in shopping for an outfit if you want, and would enjoy it also. I am also quite frugal because I am CHEAP, LOL, so I have found various places that have appropriate clothing for little money. By the way, you can never own too many panties. I have also found an outlet store that sells beautiful panties for 99 cents. I told you that I am cheap. hehehe

I suggested the cotton panties with that particular outfit that I wear because it perpetuates the little girl image. Sometimes I like to wear something really silky and sexy. Sometimes I wear a thong only. Sometimes I wear a thong under my panties if I am playing with someone that I don't want that much exposure with, especially in a party setting. I have found that you can generally get your cues from the gentleman you are playing with as to what kind of panties to wear. That is one area where you can really please the man by choosing according to what he prefers. You will find that most spankers have a penchant for panties, most have a panty fetish to some degree. I like to talk to my spankers at length to learn as many of these little things that they like as possible. It greatly improves the experience for them hence for me if I can dress according to what turns them on.

10. The preliminary talking and planning of the spanking is almost like a game. I have found a way to do it where I seldom have to outright "ask" them anything. It is partly flirting and partly bratting and really adds to the excitement of the spanking by building the anticipation level. It gives you time to feel comfortable with the person because you are learning more about them and it gives them time to learn what will make the spanking enjoyable for you. One thing I have learned about spankers, they truly want to do anything possible to make this a memorable experience for us. I think you will find these gentlemen to be far superior to the "vanilla" men you have encountered in the past. My experience has been that they are much more sensitive and caring than "normal" (LOL) men (now you see why we say vanilla instead of normal?), they are more intune with what we are thinking and feeling and they truly try harder to please us. Wow, I've written a lot under the subject of panties that does not seem to pertain to panties at all but actually I think it does in a roundabout way. Our panties are like the gift wrapping on a Christmas present for them. I like to have the kind of gift wrapping that they like. It makes the present that much more exciting for them.

If I play boss/secretary, I would be dressed differently. For example, I would be wearing a blouse and skirt (full again for ease unless the man indicated something else would be preferable). Underneath, I would probably have on a garter belt and hose or perhaps thigh highs with sexy panties. A lot of women wear the thigh highs that stay up by themselves. Dressing sexy underneath my clothing makes me feel sexy. I think I probably projected a sexier image because of my "secret" of wearing a garter belt and stockings merely because of my own feelings they brought out. Most of them will find a way to let you know what they like!

11. What if we feel like "screaming" or something when it's taking place? I doubt you will feel like actually screaming but I am very vocal and do moan, plead, groan, talk (as in promising to be good forever if they will stop, of course, I don't really want them to stop and they know it because I have not used my safeword). I think I understand what you are really asking here, let me know if I am wrong though. How should you act during the spanking? I wondered about that, too. It helped me to look at a video of a spanking. I didn't know if it was ok to wiggle, squirm, try to get away, holler "ouch", or anything else. Spanking is not something that comes with a rule book, unfortunately.