This year (1999) was an interesting year for me. My oldest daughter Erica graduated from college, my second daughter Andrea graduated from high school, and my youngest daughter Lisa graduated from middle school (plus my stepdaughter Deanna "graduated" into motherhood with the birth of our first granddaughter). After listening to my share of graduation speeches, I began to wonder what words of "wisdom" I would pass along if I had the chance. From that thought, this was written.
To my girls (and anyone else who cares to read):
Lessons I Learned Along The Way
While in school (many many moons ago) I learned the necessary skills of reading, writing and arithmetic. I even managed to remember some of them! I may not remember how to conjugate a verb, but that's a different story. Before I gather shocked looks from all my old teachers, let me rephrase that. Typically I use a verb in every sentence (they just seem to make more sense that way) so I'm quite sure that I DO conjugate verbs every day. However, I don't quite remember what "conjugate" means, so I don't realize I'm doing it. I suppose that's okay, as long as I can speak and write adequately. The same holds true for history. I may not remember who fought in what war or the exact dates of these battles. I think that's okay too. The important thing to remember is WHY we fought, and to gain a healthy respect and pride for our country.
Some things that I learned weren't actually part of the school curriculum. I just happened to "learn them along the way". Take, for example, first grade. I learned that a girl can't have too many pair of shoes. I learned this, oddly enough, from my first grade teacher, Mrs. FOOTen. Before you think I'm crazy, let me tell you that this is added for my daughter Erica's benefit. I tease her because she has sooooo many pairs of shoes in her closet. She is the "Imelda Marcos of Garrett County". (If you are too young to know who Imelda Marcos is, she is... oh never mind, she was just another woman who liked shoes, and owned about 3000 pairs) Anyway, in reality, Mrs. Footen may have only had two pair of shoes at school (an indoor pair and an outdoor pair, like Mr. Rogers) But to my first grade mind it seemed as if she had a mountain of them stashed in her closet.
* * * * *
In fourth grade, I learned that sometimes it's fun to play hard to get. I was "going steady" with my first big flame, Robert. Every day at lunchtime, the boys would gather behind Robert and the girls would gather behind me. They would spend the entire recess period trying to push us to each other and make us kiss. Of course both of us fought them off well, but it did keep us entertained for many days.
Every Friday night, Robert and I would meet at Welch's Theatre and go to the movies together. (It cost 50 cents to get in...am I old or what????) One night it happened. Robert and I were sitting hand in hand watching the movie, and he did it. He reached over and kissed me...right square on the back of my hand! (sigh) I was in heaven. I swore I'd never wash my hand again! That was almost 30 years ago. I'm sorry to say that I did eventually wash my hand (sorry Robert), but that does bring up lesson #2 from this experience: Never make promises you can't keep, not even to yourself.
Robert eventually dumped me for Debbie because she (and I quote) "wiggles her butt when she walks". So lesson #3, if there needs to be one is: If you want to attract guys, it doesn't hurt to wiggle your butt when you walk.
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Okay, on to more serious lessons. I'm a little embarrassed to tell this, but my girls already know about it, so here it is. When I was in seventh grade, I got caught cheating on a spelling test (it wasn't just a spelling test... It was one of those where the teacher reads the definition out loud. You have to decide which word it is and THEN spell it correctly...oh I hated those!) It was a particularly bad week and I didn't have much time to study. My mother expected all A's from me, and nothing less. So I decided to take the "easy" route, and I cheated (not very well, obviously, or I wouldn't have been caught, but that's beside the point). So I got an "E" on the spelling test AND a big red "U" (unsatisfactory) in citizenship on my report card (with an explanation of why written for all the world to see...how embarrassing). That was a big lesson to learn: It doesn't pay to cheat.
However, the bigger lesson came later when I learned how to average grades. I got a "0" for that one spelling test, but when it was averaged in with all my other "100"s for the grading period, I STILL got an "A" for the grading period! So I could have done my BEST and possibly received something better than "0". Or I could have even sat, not taken the test, and taken a "0". By the time that one little grade was averaged in with the other grades that I had earned legitimately, I still would have an "A"! So, the bigger lesson that I learned from this was: Don't let anyone else's expectations of you cause you to do something you might regret. Do your best, and be proud of your accomplishments!
* * * * *
Lessons You Might Have Missed While Playing...
"Paper, Rock and Scissors"
Nobody is perfect. Everyone has their own strengths (paper covers rock, rock breaks scissors and scissors cut paper) and everyone has their own set of weaknesses.
Solitaire
Sometimes you win, and sometimes old Saul wins (much like the country song that says:
"Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug").
Monopoly
You can make a fortune by buying a few good properties and filling them full of real estate, but sometimes it backfires and you end up bankrupt.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket."
B-I-N-G-O
It never fails... You're sitting there soooo close... only needing ONE MORE NUMBER!... and some #$%! yells "BINGO" (can you tell that I get frustrated playing that game?) But if you don't give up... if you perservere, you're bound to win sometime (and you just might get lucky and win the jackpot!)
Baseball
Babe Ruth had 714 "homeruns" in his baseball career. But did you know he also "struck out" 1330 times? (I know, you're shocked that I, of all people know these statistics) My point? Babe struck out almost TWICE as often as he had homeruns. He could easily have given up and said he was no good at baseball, but he didn't.
Russian Roullette
I know, this isn't a kid's game (and hopefully one you've never played!) but it's a good object lesson just the same. The point?
Some games are just too STUPID to play!!!
"Playing Chicken" is another game for the not-so-smart. If you need a reminder, check out the big ugly five inch scar on the back of my leg!
Checkers
There's no need to fight over the colors. It doesn't matter whether you're the black or the red, you each start out with the same number of pieces.
In the "checkers game of life" the same holds true. It doesn't matter if your black or red (or pink, or white, or even polka dot). We are all God's creations and He created us all equal (It's ONLY a color!)
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Lessons From "Kid's" Movies
"In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. Find the fun, and *snap* the job becomes a game."
...Mary Poppins
No matter what you do in life, whether you're a scientist or you flip burgers for a living...do your best and enjoy yourself. The work day is brighter and goes faster when you actually enjoy what you do.
"If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."...Thumper (from Bambi)
I know, I know, you've heard it a million times...
"I won't grow up"...Peter Pan
Of course you will, but don't be in too big of a hurry! Enjoy your youth. You'll be an adult for a long long time, but you're only a teenager for a few short years. Adult pleasures also bring with them adult responsibilities, so act responsibly and use common sense. You know, the usual speeches..."Safe sex" and "IF you drink, for heaven's sake please don't drive!"(...but preferably, don't drink)...so I'm not even going to address the physical aspects of this (*wink* notice how I managed to sneak that in by telling you what I WASN'T going to say?) My comments here are strictly from an emotional point of view:
(1) All the alcohol in the world won't get rid of your troubles or drown your sorrows. Happiness is a state of mind, and must come from the inside.
and
(2) There isn't a condom in the world big or strong enough to protect your heart from getting hurt. So make your choices wisely.
"True, he's no Prince Charming
But I've never looked at him this way before."
...Beauty and the Beast
As they say, beauty is only skin deep. Although physical attraction is certainly important, it's not all that's important. A person is made up of body, soul and spirit. Instead of choosing a person based just on physical appearance, make sure you have similiar outlooks, beliefs and interests. Like the "whole person", not just the outer shell. Your relationships (whether they be romantic interests or just friends) will be much more rewarding!
"What I like about rivers is
you can't step in the same river twice.
The water's always changing always flowing.
But people I guess can't live like that.
We all must pay a price.
To be safe we lose our chance at ever knowing
What's around the river bend.
Waiting just around the river bend...Pocahontas
I missed out on so many experiences as a teen. I would like to have tried out for school plays, ran for class offices, etc. But my self esteem wasn't high enough to allow me to risk "losing". So, I concentrated on the things I KNEW I could do well. To keep my self esteem safe, I lost the chance at knowing what I COULD have achieved, if I had only given myself the opportunity.
Please don't make the same mistake. Allow yourself the room to try new things, and give yourself "permission" to fail. There is no shame in trying and failing (or trying and trying again!)
"I can show you the world, shining shimmering splendid
Tell me princess, now when did you last let your heart decide...
...No one to tell us 'No' or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming."...Alladin
Two thougths here:
1) Sometimes you have to "go with your heart" as scary as it may seem, but:
2) There's not always going to be an "authority figure" telling you to "do" or "not do" something. Everyone is ultimately responsible for their own actions, so self discipline is an important trait to develop."
"I can see what's happening, and they don't have a clue
They'll fall in love and here's the bottomline...
Our trio's down to two"...Lion King
When you decide to have a relationship (or even a friendship) with another person, you are just a "part" of that person's life. Don't expect them to give up all their other friendships or hobbies for you. It doesn't make you less important if they have other interests. After all, they DID have a life before you came along.
On the other end of the spectrum, don't allow another person to monopolize you in the same way. I would think very carefully about any relationship where the person expects you to give up your other friends and interests. You will just end up becoming bitter and resentful if you do.
"Look at me, I will never pass
for a perfect bride or a perfect daughter.
Can it be, I'm not meant to play the part?
Now I see that if I were
to truly be myself
I would break my family's heart.
Who is this girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Somehow I cannot hide
Who I am, though I try.
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?"
....Mulan
I know it's silly, since she's only a cartoon character, but I found myself feeling very sorry for this young girl. The greatest gift a parent can give their child is unconditional love.
That's the perfect love to seek in your friends and future spouse as well... the kind of love that allows you to be yourself. A true friend will allow you the freedom to be your own unique self.
"The seaweed is always greener
In somebody else's lake"...Little Mermaid
Envy can be a real poison to your soul. If you look hard enough, you're always going to find someone a little richer...a little smarter...a little prettier. So, forget the comparisons and learn to like yourself the way you are.
Are you getting the feeling by now that I listen to far too much "Radio Disney"? *chuckle* Okay, this is the last one...
"Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me
And loving me tonight."
"And even though I know how very
Far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing
On the same bright star.
And when the night wind starts to sing
It's lonesome lullabye
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath
the same great sky."...Fieval (An American Tale)
No matter where you go in life, remember that as long as time exists, I will be somewhere (whether it be earth or heaven)... thinking of you and loving you. And no matter how far away you wander, it's never too far to come home to "mom".
Well, that's it for now. Curiosity is getting the best of me. I have to go look up the word "conjugate". Love ya!
"Work like you don't need the money...
Love like you've never been hurt...
Dance like nobody's watching."
