People often tell me I should write a book about all the cute and funny stuff my kids have said and done. I wish I had, cause now I have forgotten half of them.

Now, though, I have a place to "store" them all...on here...so I'll search my memory for them. Hope you like ! (*laugh* This might be similar to being forced to sit through hours of home movies...except you can always "cut out" when you get bored here...and I won't even know. *wink*)

1978-80

Erica was not quite a year old (she began walking at nine months). We were shopping with friends, Debbie and Todd. Erica was wearing a cute little fuzzy mint green coat and hat. They were entertaining her, walking down the aisle, each holding one hand, teaching her to say "Bug Off". They got to the door and an elderly man came in, squatted down in front of her, smiled and said "Why don't you look precious in that green coat little girl!"

Erica politely looked up, unsmiling, and said "Bug off". (Glad I wasn't there!)

Erica was always climbing when she was a baby. I was always telling her she was going to "fall down and break her neck". One afternoon, when she was around two years old, she was propped up on the baseboard heater and leaning against the kitchen table. She slipped and cut her forehead right above the eyebrow.

I had to take her to the emergency room for stitches. She was crying so hard by the time they finished, that they couldn't get a bandage to stick to her forehead because she was so sweaty. So they had to hold the bandage on by wrapping her head in gauze, of course making the injury look far worse! (So much so, that she was terrified when she saw herself in the mirror...I added feathers to it and made her an Indian for the night to calm her)

The next day I was supposed to return to the hospital so they could change the bandage. On the way, we stopped to run an errand. An old man saw her huge bandage and asked her what on earth had happened.

She smiled at him, giggled, and proudly announced "I falled down and breaked my neck!"

Speaking of her always climbing...Erica's chest of drawers was beside her bed, close enough for her to lean over and take things off the top. One day I was in the next room and heard her calmly saying "Could somebody please help me."

I went in to check on her. Erica had managed to open her top drawer a few inches and got her elbow somehow wedged into it. So when I came in, she was hanging, suspended in midair by the elbow (her feet dangling about five inches off the bed), patiently waiting for someone to "please help" her.

When Erica was being potty trained, she spent the summer wearing terrycloth panties. I also had a potty chair conveniently sitting downstairs in the kitchen. She was doing pretty well...

One day she was playing in the backyard with friends and I heard her urgently pounding on the door. I opened the door, she dashed past me to the potty chair breathing heavily. She sat, did her thing, her little tongue stuck out the side of her mouth, and jumped back up, tearing to the door again...not wanting to miss one minute of fun outside.

I stopped her at the door and said "Good job! But next time... pull the panties down first!"

One Saturday, I was taking Erica shopping. We stopped to visit my mom on the way. Grandma gave Erica a dollar to spend. We went to the store and Erica bought a box of Whoppers malt balls (that come in the box shaped like a milk carton) If anyone asked for a malt ball, she was very generous, tipping the carton and giving a whole handfull.

Soon, however, the box was empty. I guess Erica learned an important lesson about rationing that day. The next week, when we went shopping, grandma again gave her a dollar to spend. She once again bought a box of Whoppers. However, this time, if someone asked for a maltball, she pushed her little hand through the spout of the box and pulled out ONE malt ball. She would then hand it to you, with an expression on her face that somehow said "You're not going to ask for another one, are you?"

When Erica was about two and a half, we decided to have another baby (much to my brother-in-laws shock...He said "Nobody PLANS babies...you just get them and deal with it *laugh*)

Anyway, we asked Erica if she would like us to have another baby. She looked up from her coloring book and excitedly said "Yeah!!!!" I said, "What kind do you think you'd like us to have?" (meaning of course, would she like a brother or a sister)

She thought for a second, resting her crayon against her mouth as if in deep thought. Then she nodded her head and announced her decision..."A white one", and continued coloring. (Fortunately, we were able to fulfill that request *laugh*)

It was also about this time (2 1/2) that we were having a hard time with Erica at bedtime. It seemed no matter how hot or humid it was, she insisted on having the blankets pulled up close around her neck. The reason?... To keep the monster from coming in and nibbling on her toes! Try as I might, I couldn't convince her that there was no monster. She kept insisting that there WAS a monster and he would blink his eyes at her from outside.

Finally I got on her bed and she showed me the monster. We lived just a mile or so from Westvaco paper mill, which had a tall smoke stack with two red blinking lights at the top of it. It shone directly into her window at night... like a monster blinking his eyes!

Nothing I could say would convince her that it wasn't a monster at all. I finally conceded defeat and we resorted to putting crackers in the lawn at bedtime, so he would eat them and leave her toes alone.

Months later Danny noticed three red lights on a pole on top of the mountain directly behind Westvaco. He told her that they were the monsters babies in their bunkbeds: Blinky, Pinky and Stinky (Westvaco can smell pretty bad sometimes *laugh*) Erica's eyes got wide with wonder, and she finally grew to like the monster. I guess she figured if he had kids, he couldn't be too bad!

And so, the monster became Erica's biggest friend. Everything in town had a connection to the monster...the school was the monsters house, the coal tipple was his bathroom (thanks to Uncle Donnie's imagination *rollig my eyes*)

One day, we stopped at Luke Exxon for gas (directly across from Westvaco). Erica almost climbed out the window and yelled at the top of her lungs "HI MONSTER!!! Are you blinkin your eyes at me????" ...and the gas attendant laughed his head off at her.

Then, in 1981, when Erica was three, Andrea was born. My mom had taken Erica to Ocean City (MD) for a week. The day after Erica got home, she managed to get the chicken pox. That night I went into labor, so she had to stay with her other grandma for about a week after I brought the new baby home till she was over her illness. So by the time she finally came home, I hadn't seen her for about two weeks. I ran out into the yard as they pulled in the driveway. I knelt down to get a big hug, figuring she missed me as much as I had missed her.

Erica jumped out of the car and raced past me to the door. I turned and said "Where are you going?" She said "The baby's inside!!!" So much for dear old mom...*L*

Within the first hour, Erica had held the baby, fed the baby, bathed the baby, changed the baby... She was thrilled with her... Well, for the first few weeks anyway. Then I noticed Andrea had a slight black eye, and after investigating, found that Erica had "punched" her.

I knew that if I asked Erica if she had hit Andrea, she would clam up and I would't get any answers. I would have to catch her off gaurd.

Erica was sitting on the floor, coloring in her coloring book. I sat down beside her and started colorig with her, chattig nonchalantly. After a minute, I asked "So...what did you hit the baby with?" Erica gave me some off-the-wall answer (but at least it was a answer...not just "nothing"). I said "No really, what did you hit the baby with?" Again, she gave me a strange answer.

Finally I put the crayon down, raised my voice and asked "I want to know, right now, what did you hit that baby with?" Her eyes filled with tears and her mouth puckered as she answered "With my fist" (Boy, was I shocked! Sibling rivalry already?) I scolded her of course, but made a mental note to pay a little less attention to the baby and a little more to Erica.

Andrea survived Erica's abuses somehow *L*, and managed to get to the fun age... walking and talking and general mischief. She seemed like any other normal toddler until one day...

(Now remember, at this time, Andrea is just learning to talk!) I was sitting at a stoplight waiting for it to change. Andrea was in her carseat behind me. I turned my head to say something to her. She looked up at me and said "Shut up Dog Face!"

I honestly had to pull off the road, I was laughing so hard. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever imagined hearing that from her, at least not at two years old !

I should have guessed right then (and you can be safe to assume, as you continue reading) that she would end up being the "spirited" one.

It wasn't long after, that Ann's vocabulary begin to pick up. We were sitting in church one Sunday morning. The preacher was giving his sermon and had just made a valid point about something...to which Andrea added her opinion...She loudly said "OH BULL!" I picked her up to take her to the nursery. The whole way out she was flinging and crying "No way Jose', No way Jose', No way Jose'..." *sigh*

Then she, too, learned the "Bug Off" line that Erica had used when she was a baby. But she know how to pick her targets! Most people would laugh it off when she said "Bug Off"...Ohhh, but not grandma!!! She would get her feelings hurt, much like this:

Andrea: "Grandma, bug off!"
Grandma: "Why Andrea, why would you say something like that to me?"
Andrea: "Grandma, bug off!"
Grandma: "Andrea, you shouldn't say things like that to me!"
Andrea: "Grandma, bug off!"

And on and on, like two little kids, with me pulling my hair out. One day (Ann's not even three yrs old yet) we were taking a trip to Morgantown (WV), about two hours away. I was sitting in the front seat with Danny... Erica, Ann, and grandma were in the backseat... And Andrea started "Grandma, bug off!" (Oh brother!) Back and forth they went, like dueling banjos.

Finally I'd heard enough. I turned and said "Andrea, if I hear you say 'Bug Off' one more time, I'm going to spank you!" I turned back around and there was complete silence for about 15 seconds. Then everyone in the backseat busted out laughing.

Andrea had poked her grandma on the arm to get her attention, then silently mouthed the words "Bug Off". What could I do? I only said I'd spank her if I HEARD her say it!

That reminds me of another story: We had just finished eating dinner and Danny and I were sitting at the table talking. Andrea was between us in her highchair. As a treat, I got out a box of Duncan Donuts and we all had one.

As we talked, Andrea reached between us to get another donut from the box. I said "No, I think you've had enough for now, and took the second donut away from her, putting it back in the box.

As we continued talking, Danny silently motioned for me to look at Andrea. She had her eyes tightly covered with one hand and was slowly moving in to get another donut with her other hand.

She couldn't see us, how could we possibly see her?

I babysat for my nephew Josh after he was born. He is 5 months younger than Andrea, so they became inseperable. We called them Mutt and Jeff (from the cartoons)

Josh was often at our house at dinnertime, and would usually eat with us. One night however, he absolutely refused to even try it, and I couldn't figure out why. I had made chipped beef gravy on toast, which we always called "shit on the shingles" (since my dad had been in the army, that's all we had EVER called it)

I soon found out why he wouldn't eat. Sue, my sister-in-law, came to pick him up after work. He took her by the hand, led her straight to the table, pointed to the plates and announced to her "Poop, poop"

When Andrea was little, we often called her Annie. Josh, her cousin, couldn't pronouce "Annie". When he said it, it came out "Nannie". One day they were playing, and Josh called her Nannie. Andrea chuckled, looked at me, and said "Josh calls me 'NINNIE'!"

Another of my nephews, John, is shown here with Erica. His favorite television show was "Mr. Rogers Neighborhood". He loved that show, watched it all the time, and learned a lot from Mr. Rogers. However, he also spent a lot of time with his father, and learned from him as well. I enjoyed this amusing mixture of the two role models in John's life... One day, John was sitting in his sandbox, happily playing alone. The little boy from across the street came over and sat in the sandbox with him. John looked up at him, unsmiling, and said "Hey! Get your ass out of my neighborhood!" (*laugh* Mr. Rogers would be sooooo proud!)

Andrea was about three when one night I noticed a huge yellow growth inside her nose. I was really concerned as I was trying to figure out what it was. I asked her if she had put anything in her nose and she said "Yeah, popcorn!"

About a week before this, we had eaten popcorn as a snack. Evidently, Andrea had taken it upon herself to put an unpopped kernel up her nose (Why, I don't know!) During the course of the week it had swollen and was tightly wedged in her left nostril. It took some major poking and prodding to finally get it back out.

I lectured and lectured the rest of the evening about putting things in your nose. At bedtime, I tucked her in bed, kissed her and said "Now remember, what are we never, ever, EVER going to put in our nose again?"

She thought for a second, smiled and said "Hot dogs!"

When Erica went to bed at night, she always seemd like a normal child. But somewhere during the course of the night, something would happen to her. She always seemed to awake dressed something like this... *laugh* She just recently remarked that we should have known from the goggles that she would end up in the medical field (she is currently studying "Medical Lab Technology" in college)

Also on the medical line, Erica got a doctor's kit for Christmas. One day I was napping on the couch. Erica and Andrea woke me up, hand in hand, with very serious looks on their faces. Erica told me, with her plastic stethoscope around her neck, that there was something very seriously wrong with Andrea. I looked back and forth between their very concerned faces, and asked what was wrong.

Still holding tightly to Andrea's hand (and Andrea nodding pathetically), Erica informed me "Her heart's not beeping". I had to stifle a laugh since they were so seriously concerned. Then I explained that it was a pretend stethoscope, so she wouldn't be able to hear the heart "beeping"...also, if it wasn't beeping, she would't be standing there beside me...she'd be DEAD!

And finally, on a medical note, my mom had taken all the grandchildren to a Christmas party at the VFW. We were all sitting at a table and Josh fell off his seat onto the floor. Erica immediatley jumped down and ran around the table. She rolled him onto his back and began performing CPR on him! We still don't know where she saw that! (This pic was take that day)

It seems no one is ever satisfied when you have four children in the house: (Erica-5, Andrea and Josh-both 2, and Jessica-a friends baby that I also babysat, was 1... You should have seen the looks I got when I took them all out at once! *L*) Anyway for months I heard Andrea and Josh whine...

Josh: "I don't want to be a boy, I want to be a gureel (note the whine in his voice) like Nanny!"
and Andrea: "I don't want to be a gurr. I want to stand up and pee like Josh!"

*shaking my head* Boy, did my brother Bob (Josh's dad) hate me for that one!

Erica started kindergarten when she was five. One day, she was getting ready for school and was wearing a brand new outfit that she just adored, complete with kneesocks (Don't ask me why the socks thrilled her so much!) She was looking at them and said "Wait till the boys see me today! These will knock the sex off!"

I looked at her curiously and asked what she meant by that. She said "Don't you remember some girl saying that on tv?" and mentioned the show. I sighed a breath of relief and told her the correct way of saying that..."This will knock their SOCKS off."

Halfway through the school year, we moved about 5 or 6 miles away, and Erica had to go to a new school. She came home the first day, and Danny was quizzing her about it at dinnertime. He asked different questions about her new teacher. He asked her how old her new teacher was, and she answered "About your age."

"Well, how old do you think I am?" he asked. She thought about it, shrugged her shoulders and answered "Sixty?"... Bad answer... Very bad answer... He was 34! (...and not pleased with her answer at all! *laugh*)

My biggest recollections of Andrea at this time are her love of "Scooby Doo" and her love of commercials. "Scooby" was the greatest. She never missed him on television. The rest of tv was largely ignored...EXCEPT commercials. She would run from wherever she was in the house to watch a commercial. It didn't matter what the commercial was about, she was there for it, and she knew every commercial word for word, start to finish. We would have fun with her. We'd say the first three words of any commercial. She'd know which one it was, and would finish it for you.

At about this time, the girls' cousin Beth got braces on her teeth. Erica thought they were the coolest things! She wished she could have braces as well. Often, she would take the foil wrapper from sticks of gum and wrap it around her teeth, pretending that she, too, had braces.

One day Andrea was misbehaving. I gave her a small smack on the behind, hoping to straighten her up. She looked at me with her hand on her hip, smiled and said in a sarcastic voice "THAT didn't hurt!"

Erica immediately grabbed her and pulled her aside. With her hands on Ann's shoulders, she spoke directly into her face, their eyes locked...big sister words of wisdom..."DON'T EVER SAY THAT!" (*laugh* the voice of experience?)

One of Dannys favorite games with the girls...(is it every father's favorite game?)...was "Pull My Finger". (I hope I don't have to explain how it's played, but in case you don't know, it revolves around pulling fingers and passing gas at the same time *rolling my eyes*) Anyway, Danny was always teaching them this stuff, and I was always the one getting embarrassed by it.

I was five months pregnant with Lisa and had a doctor's appointment. I took Andrea with me and we did some Christmas shopping after my checkup. The stores were crowded with Christmas shoppers. I told Andrea to hold my hand, as I didn't want to lose her in the crowd. But my hands were loaded down with packages and she couldn't get hold of it. So I told her to hold onto my finger.

Right then we were passing three salesclerks standing together chatting. In a loud exagerrated voice, Andrea asked me "Why Mom! Are you gonna FART??"

I could hear the three of them behind me laughing hysterically, but I didn't dare turn around.

After Lisa was born, I went shopping at a local outlet that sells baby clothes. While I was looking through the racks of clothing, Andrea was rummaging through a box on the floor. In it were surplus pieces of clothing for 25 cents each, and she was trying to find an outfit for her babydoll.

When I was ready to pay, she had found a shirt but still had not found any panties in the box. The lady waiting on me said that there were only shirts in the box.. no pants. So I suggested to Andrea that we buy the shirt, and maybe her baby could wear a pair of her underwear with it.

The lady looked down at Andrea and said "Would that be okay honey? Could your baby wear your underwear?"

Andrea shook her head from side to side, clutching her doll and answered sadly "I don't have any underwear." (yeah, right...the little snot)

One day we were going through the garage to get in the car. Andrea looked on the garage floor and saw something small and shiny. She squatted down to see what it was.

"Oohh mommy looook" she cooed, admiring the dime on the floor, "a little baby quarter."

Lisa was just a few weeks old, and napping in her bedroom. Suddenly she started screaming, as if in tremendous pain. I ran to her room and threw open the door, to see what was wrong. Lisa was lying in her bassinet, pulling her own hair as hard as she could (I had to pry her fingers from her hair)...and screaming because it hurt!

One day Andrea decided to build a tent in the living room. It was an elaborate thing...blankets draped over the back of the couch and held up in the front with bar stools, etc...anything she could find. Unfortunately, she decided to hold down one corner of the blanket with my brand new $100 lamp.

When I heard a big crash in the living room and came running, I was so upset to see my new lamp in pieces on the floor. What happened next goes down in history as the worst spanking any of my children has ever received. They still laugh about it. (The kind where each syllable has its own smack... "There..will..ne..ver..be..a..no..ther..tent..built..in..this..house..do..you..un..der..stand?")

Well, Andrea understood. But a few days later, I walked through the living room and she was buildig yet another tent (or so I thought!). I stopped and said "Andrea, what did I say about tents in the living room?"

She looked at me, shocked that I would think that this could possibly be a tent. "Mooootheeer! This is NOT a tent! THIS..." she said, rolling her eyes "...is a HOME for the DRAGON!" (The rules were then changed to include the banning of homes for dragons as well)

When Andrea was four, she got a baton. With an imagination like hers though, it couldn't be JUST a baton. It was a "MAGIC ONE" (not a "magic wand"... a "magic one", I assume because it was shaped like the number 1)

One day I had her and Sarah, a neighbor child who was also four, in the car. As I drove down the rode, Sarah started crying "Oh please don't, Andrea." I looked back and said "Andrea, whatever you're doing, stop it." and continued driving.

A minute later, Sarah was still crying "Don't Andrea, please don't" Again I looked back and said "Andrea, stop whatever you're doing."

I continued driving, but could hear the fear in Sarah's voice as she pleaded with Andrea again. I looked in my rearview mirror, and could see the tears streaming down Sarah's face and the impish grin on Andrea's.

I pulled off the road and turned around. I looked at Andrea and said "Andrea, WHAT are you doing to Sarah???" She rolled her eyes dramatically, as if in unbelief, and said "I only told her I was going to change her into a frog with my magic one!"

One Sunday morning, getting ready for church, Andrea put on her new shoes. She said "Jennifer will get a kick out of my new shoes!" After the frog incident, I was sure to have her rephrase that comment!

Andrea was almost five, and it was time to register for kindergarten. I took her to school to register and they asked her different questions, "testing" her readiness for school.

They wanted to see if she understood the concept of opposites, so they asked her "Andrea, finish this sentence... An elephant is LARGE,a mouse is...?"

Andrea didn't understand that they were looking for "small", as they hadn't mentioned anything about opposites. She looked at them oddly, then gave the best answer she could come up with... "Scared of the elephant???"

After all that, the next story probably shouldn't have shocked me, but it did! Andrea would often call the "weatherman" on the phone to "talk"...Since it was just a recording made by a local radio station, she could tell him anything she wanted, and let her imagination run wild.

One day, however, she accidently called Garrett Memorial Hospital. Excited about having an actual person to talk to instead of a recording, she proceeded to tell the woman that she had been kidnapped! The lady was asking her questions, such as her name, phone number, etc. when I walked through the room, saw her on the phone and yelled at her to "Get off that #@%! phone!" Andrea hung up immediately. She had that funny little "look" on her face that always told me when she was up to something...*laugh*...sort of like "Dennis the Menace", but I didn't think anything of it...for a few minutes anyway.

Then I got a phone call from Deputy Kerchman (I'll never forget his name!) from the Garrett County Sheriff's Department asking if I had a daughter named Andrea, and asking if she was okay. He then proceeded to tell me what happened. It seems the lady Andrea was talking to got concerned when she heard someone yell in the background, and then Andrea hang up suddenly. So she called the sheriff's department to investigate.

As punishment, I took Andrea to the police station to have a "little talk" to Deputy Kerchman. (At least I found out she knew her name, address, etc. *laugh*)

One week at school, they had B.E.A.R. week (Be Enthusiastic About Reading), and the children were supposed to dress up like storybook charactors. Erica dressed up like Johnny Appleseed, complete with a pot for a hat. We still laugh about her giggling and saying "Look mom! I'm a POTHEAD!", without a clue as to the alternative meaning to that statement.

It was also about this time that Erica failed an eye exam at school. She was terribly upset and crying about the prospect of getting glasses. Finally she stopped crying and started sulking about it...and said "I don't know how they expect you to pass the stupid thing anyway. The letters are all blurry and you can hardly read them!"

The summer before Andrea started Kindergarten, The Disney channel on television played the old musical "Oklahoma" (my girls have always loved musicals for some reason) Anyway, they enjoyed Oklahoma so well, that I taped it and they watched it almost daily the whole summer (They STILL watch it occasionally!)

I thought this was great! So much better than some other things they could be watching on television...what could they possibly pick up from an old musical that could be bad??? *LOL* The first day of school, I walked past Andrea's room. She was standing there undressed, shaking out her clothes and singing happily... "Oh I'm just a girl who can't say no...Kissin's my favorite food..."

When Andrea was five, she asked me how you get married. I told her that you go to a preacher and he marries you. She replied "Ohhh...well, I want to marry Hal." (Hal was our preacher at that time)

I said "Well honey, Hal is already married to Kathy." Andrea sighed and said "I know...but I don't KNOW any other preachers!"

I chuckled and then explained that she didn't have to marry the preacher! I said "You and the man that you want to marry go to the preacher. He asks if you want to be his wife and you say 'I do'. Then he asks if he wants to be your husband and he says'I do'. Then you kiss, and you're married."

Andrea said okay, thought for a second, and said "You don't have to kiss if you don't want to, do you?" (Oh, how time has changed her opinion of that! *laugh*) I told her not to worry... Chances are, if she didn't want to kiss him, she probably wouldn't be marrying him.

Lisa was always a very active child...as a baby, she hardly ever slept (even before she was born! *laugh* I was very worried that there was more than one inside there!) Anyway, as she grew into a toddler, she was always on the move...and always eating.

One day as she walked past her dad with yet something else to eat in her hand, he looked at her and asked "Good Lord girl, where do you put all your food???" She gave him an odd look and answered "Down my froat (throat)!"

As Lisa was being potty trained she, like her sisters before her, ran around in nothing but terry cloth training pants. She soon learned what an "accident" felt like in them.

One day Danny was lying on the couch and she was sitting on his legs. She started to get up and pushed down on his legs to lift herself up. As she pressed down though, one little hand pressed down on his groin area. She must have noticed a warm soft lump there, because she stopped...looked at him funny...got nose to nose with him, holding his cheeks in her hands...and with a quiet serious voice asked him "You gotta poop?"

This is a copy of a note Andrea wrote me...a request for money (for what, I don't remember). It was so cute, I just had to save it...

"mom pleas can I have $3.00.98 all do eney thing you want me to take the money off my allawens prity pleas.
Chircul Yes / No
here is some of the money I need 5.00.98 and I have 2.00.6
Love Andrea"

That note reminds me of another time when Andrea was raising money for something she wanted. She took several sheets of notebook paper and taped them together to make a large poster, which she then taped to the basement door (a central area of the house where EVERYONE would be sure to see!) On this poster were little wads of masking tape. She informed the family that we were welcome to "donate to her worthy cause" by sticking our loose change onto the pieces of tape.

At a closer glance, we noticed little finishing nails also taped onto the poster. We asked what the nails were for. Andrea just shrugged, smiled and said "In case anyone wants to donate some dollars, they can poke them on there."

When the girls were little, we had a babysitter named Susie. She watched them while I was at work. Each evening, I picked them up at her house, and I always did that "Smother Brothers" line (Say Goodight Dick) when it was time to go.

One night after talkig with Susie a few minutes, I said "Well girls, we better get out of here. Say Goodnight Dick" Andrea looked up at Susie and said "Goodnight Dick Brains!" (at which point I wanted to crawl under the table and hide)

In the car I explained to her that "dick" is a "not-so-nice" word for a boy's "weewee". So in essence, what she called Susie was a "Boy's WeeWee Brain" They laughed and giggled about it for about a day. Then finally someone teased her too much and Andrea's eyes filled up with tears. She said "I didn't know that's what it meant!" (See, she's not intentionally awnry... all the time)

At the risk of sounding like all I do is beat my children *laugh*... We have a big jar at our house called the penny jar, where we put loose pennies. There is often 1000 or more pennies in the jar at any given time. When the girls got bored, they'd sometimes play with or count them.

One day they were messing with the pennies. Lisa was running around in nothing but panties. Erica and Andrea convinced her that it would be "fun" to see how many pennies would fit in her panties without falling out. They filled the back of her panties with several hundred pennies and she was running around the house with them jingling all over the place.

Danny was in bed, and I had to keep reminding her to be quiet so she didn't wake him. But she was in one of her hyper moods, so there was no stopping her. I finally grabbed her and gave her several swats on the behind, hoping to settle her down. It didn't work. Now all three girls were rolling on the floor laughing, because every time I swatted her butt, pennies would fly out of her panties all over the room...

On Thanksgiving when Lisa was 3, I made pies for dessert. Lisa wanted to make a special dessert also, so I gave her the leftover pie dough. A few minutes later I looked, and Lisa was standing on the kitchen counter. I told her not to climb up as she might fall, that I would get whatever she needed. Then I asked if she needed something out of the cabinet. She said "No...I couldn't roll the pie dough flat enough...so I'm standing on it."

One summer we had a problem with ants. I was constantly killing them all over the house. One day Lisa was sittig in front of the television eating crackers. I saw several ants marching in front of her, and I stooped down to kill them.
I was properly chastised by Lisa for trying to kill these poor defenseless creatures. "All they want is a little bit of food!" she scolded. She then proceeded to break off tiny chunks of crackers and place them carefully on each ants back "Here you go, little fella...and here's one for you...and you" I just shoook my head and walked away.

Every other Friday was a treat for the girls. It was my payday and their allowance day. So after dinner, we would go shopping at a local department store, and then grocery shopping. All was well until we got home, and I wanted some help carrying groceries upstairs. Lisa would always manage to get two small items into her hands (perhaps a pack of gum in one hand, a small bag in the other). If I asked her to carry some groceries upstairs, she would answer "I can't. I've got full-of-hands."

Now, Andrea had a different approach. She must have watched the scenery to see how close we were to home. She always seemed to fall into a very deep slumber right before we pulled in the driveway. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, could rouse her from her sleep. She would wake just barely enough to drag herself up the stairs and drop unconscious on the couch...until the very last bag of groceries was put away. Then she always seemed to awaken refreshed and ready to play.

When Lisa was four, we were going on vacation for a week. We had just got a new puppy, and Joe, a friend of mine, was going to "puppysit" for us while we were gone. The girls and I drove the puppy to Joe's house. He has chickens among his entourage of pets. As he and I stood and talked, Lisa asked him if she could catch one of his chickens. Joe laughed and told her if she thought she could catch one, go ahead! She ran and ran, trying to catch one.

The next week, Lisa and I returned to Joe's house to pick up our puppy. Joe's cousin Greg was there, and he introduced us. Then they invited us inside and gave Lisa some cookies and a drink. Lisa was thrilled to have a "fresh audience" to entertain, so as she was eating, she was showing off. I kept telling her to settle down before she choked.

Suddenly, she remembered the chickens outside, and jumped up, announcing that she was going to go outside and catch a chicken. But since I had chided her so much about choking on her cookie, she instead jumped up and excitedly announced "I'm going to go 'choke a chicken'!" (if you don't understand, don't ask *laugh*)

She ran out the door, leaving three adults in total shock...and me turning ten shades of red. (I'm sure I made a good first impresion with Greg!)

Before Lisa was old enough to go to school, she usually ran around the house in nothing but her panties. If we went anywhere, she always stripped down the second we got back home. I was worried for awhile if she'd manage to keep her clothes on all day at school. I expected to get a call that Lisa was running rampant through the school in her undies, but she did okay.

However, after a few weeks of school, she cried every morning, not wanting to go. We had a really bad time with that. Finally after a few weeks of fighting with her every morning, Danny started driving her to school. Suddenly the fears of going to school stopped, and she again enjoyed going to school.

I asked her what the difference was. She told me that three big boys (teenagers) at the bus stop smoked while waiting on the bus to come. The smoke always blew over onto her. She was afraid that everyone at school would smell it and think that SHE smoked (in Kindergarten, at that!)

Next, Lisa noticed about a half dozen freckles on her nose and cheeks. She thought they were SO ugly, and spent all her spare time fretting over them. Soon she found the miracles of makeup, and "solved" her problem by covering each freckle with a huge dot of concealer. We tried to convince her that the makeup looked far worse than the freckles, but not in her eyes. So, she spent her kindergarten year with her nose and cheeks plastered in 1/8 inch of makeup.

If that weren't bad enough, next we had to deal with the "shoe dillemma" (how can one kindergartener have so many problems) Lisa decided she just couldn't be comfortable at school unless she could "cross her toes" inside her shoes (Don't ask me to explain it, I'd never heard of it before then either!) Every morning there was a crying spell, because she couldn't find any shoes to wear.

I had a horrible time trying to find shoes for her. The worst thing she could say to me was that she needed new shoes. We'd get to the store and she'd try on two dozen shoes...slip one on and say "Nope, can't cross my toes" and move on to the next and next and next...

I finally started buying her wide width shoes about two sizes too big, and she was trhilled to death! She could wear her shoes all day at school and still cross her toes!

Erica and Andrea were mortified though. They'd moan and groan "Oh mom! It's not enough that she goes to school with all that makeup caked on her face, but now she's wearing 'Ronald McDonald' shoes!" I learned early on in motherhood, though, to fight the big fights and leave the little ones go. So I told them "Be quiet...at least she's happy, she's going to school...and she's leaving her clothes on!"

Speaking of money, Andrea and Lisa were always ingenious at coming up with new ways to make money. My favorite was "Teddys Videos"...They went door to door and rented our videos to the neighbors for $1.00 a night (extra of course, if you forgot to rewind) Don't tell the IRS *wink*, but they didn't lack for spending money all summer!

Here's another note I saved from when they were playing "Doctor Office"...

"Dear Mary and Daniel Nicolo,
This letter is to proove that you have been to Dr. Kato's office for a checkup for your son Pedro. Your bill is shown below and is due October 10, 1995. If the money is not sent in then you will have a fine for $1,000,000 dollars in cash only. We have enjoyed your visit to Dr. Kato. Have a nice day. Sincerely Dr. Kato and accountent.

Bill: $80.00 Due October 10, 1995

One summer, we went camping at Rocky Gap. Lisa met this cute little girl at the beach and they became friends. Kimmi was dark complected and had long dark hair.

The two girls were playing in the sand one afternoon, and Lisa asked her "Kimmi, are you black?" I glanced down, wondering how she would react to the question. Kimmi had obviously never been asked that question before. She got a puzzled look on her face, looked at her arm, and answered "I'm brown". Lisa looked at hers and said "Oh...I'm tan", and they went back to playing in the sand.

On another camping trip to Rocky Gap, Lisa met a little boy named Nathan. She was five or six and he was a year younger than her. Nathan quickly fell in love with Lisa, even asked permission to marry her when they got older.

Personally, I thought he was quite a catch! He was only five years old, yet he told us that he's a volunteer fireman for Lavale Fire Dept (a local city)...and that he's even rescued a woman from a ten story tall burning building!

Lisa didn't seem quite as impressed with Nathan's tales of bravery. Later, they were in wooded area close to our campsite. Nathan yelled for me to watch how high he could climb a tree. He started up the tree a few feet, then hung on for dear life while asking me if I could come help him down.

Lisa leaned in toward me and whispered into my ear.."hmmm...You'd think if he could rescue a woman from a burning building, he could get himself out of a tree!"

In retrospect, Lisa thinks now that she may have been a bit hasty...She thinks by now he's probably a real "babe"! So, Nathan Hinkle, if you ever read this *wink*, Lisa says hello.

When Lisa was around six years old, she came to me with a very serious question. She asked me to please tell her the truth about whether or not there was really a Santa Claus. She said "Please don't lie to me, it's real important that I know the truth." I asked her why it was so important. She sighed and answered "If I think that there's a Santa Claus, but really you and dad buy all the presents and put them under the tree... then when I grow up and have kids, I won't buy anything for them, and the next morning they won't have any presents!"

Lisa could always be counted on to give my ego a little boost (?) One time, I was standing on the basement steps using the pencil sharpener attached to the wall. I was wearing short shorts and, as I sharpened the pencil, it made my behind jiggle.

Lisa was about waist high in height to me at the time. She was standing on the step beside me and had a perfect view. She laughed and said "When you do that, your butt goes"...and shook her entire body uncontrollably like a big bowlfull of jello.

Another time, Lisa was sitting on my lap, telling me how pretty she thought I was...she liked my hair, she liked my eyes, and she continued "...and your teeth are nice and shiny yellow." *laugh* Gee, thanks Lisa!

On yet another occasion, Lisa was again sitting on my lap, telling me how pretty she thought I was but added "Mom, would you please let your hair grow long?...And will you please get skinny again?...And will you please wear more makeup?" I laughed and told her that perhaps it would be easier to just find a new mom!

When the movie "Roger Rabbit" came out on video, Lisa watched it several times before Danny saw it. One night he was home while it wa playing. Lisa yelled "Dad, come quick! You've got to see Jessica Rabbit! She's beautiful! She's even prettier than MOM!" *laugh* I guess that would be considered a compliment...she was quite beautiful, after all... But then it's hard to compete with a cartoon drawing, especially when she has a 40" bust and a 12" waistline.

Most recently...last year Lisa and I went for eye appointments. We were picking out frames, when I tried some on and looked at her to see what she thought. Lisa busted out laughing, then said "I'm sorry mom, but in those glasses, you look JUST LIKE Elton John!" (Elton John????.... *laugh* Gee, perhaps I SHOULD let my hair grow long... get skinny again... and wear more makeup!)

Lisa was at a school dance in the fourth grade. She came home and was telling me about the dance. She said "Mom, I had just finished slow dancing with Wayde, and Donnie (her old boyfriend from the year before...I just love these "young love" crushes *laugh*)walked up to me. He said 'Lisa, do you remember that song? We danced to it at the Christmas dance last year when we were going together.'"

Then she said "Oh mom, I felt so bad! He looked like he was going to cry!" I said "Ahhh...That's a shame. What did you do?"

She shrugged her shoulders and said "I didn't know what to do.... so I HIT HIM!" *laugh* Poor boy! (This year her and Donnie went to the 7-8 grade "prom" together... but JUST as friends, she was quick to tell me... so I guess he got over it)

One of life's embarrassig moments: Lisa agreed to be in a program at a VFW dinner for grandma. She ended up being a Bald Eagle. If that was't bad enough, several teachers and about a half dozen of her classmates were in the audience! See the joyful expression on her face? (Note: I have Lisa's permission to use this pic)

I have a stepdaughter, Deanna, who is Danny's daughter from his first marriage. Erica, Andrea and Lisa are her halfsisters. She also has a halfsister, Carrie, from her mother's remarriage. We've often commented that all five girls resemble each other, but we didn't realize how much.

One day Erica, who was about fourteen at the time, went into a local pizza place to pick up our order. The girl behind the counter asked her "Is your name Carrie Sargent?" Erica kind of thought that was an odd question, but I'm sure the girl thought her answer was equally odd. She said "No, but she's my halfsister's halfsister." (Confused yet?)

This next story may be a little bit more than you care to know about my body *L*, but since it has a cute ending, I'll suffer through the indignity...

Due to heavy lifting at work, childbirth, etc... my bladder "dropped" and had to be surgically lifted. A year or two later, my uterus also dropped, so I was scheduled for surgery for that as well.

Andrea was in seventh grade at the time. The girls wanted to go to the hospital on the day of my surgery instead of school. A few days later, I went to school for a meeting and the principal asked how I was doing.

Then he laughed and said "I have to tell you what Andrea said the other day." He had read the absentee note that Danny had written. On it, Danny said that I had a hyserectomy the day before, and the girls were at the hospital. He said he was concerned that it was due to cancer or something, so he asked Andrea if there was a problem. She said "Mr. Gaither, it's like this...things just keep falling out of her!"

Lisa had Gizmo (the iguana) outside getting some sunshine. She came back in and left him outside alone. I was concerned that he'd get lost, so I told her to go out and bring him inside. She told me that she was going back outside right that minute.

From experience I know that doesn't necessarily mean what I had said, so I repeated "Well, when you go outside, bring Gizmo in and put him away"...Then she replied "I know! I just TOLD you I'm going back outside!"

Again I repeated "Well fine, but when you go outside, please bring Gizmo in and put him away!"... Lisa answered "I JUST TOLD you I'm going outside. Are you DEAF????"

I raised my eyebrows and said "Excuse me???...NOW, you may go outside and get Gizmo, put him away...and THEN GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!" Lisa sighed and said "Okay"...what I expected next was for her to apologize for talking so rudely to me. But what she said had everyone laughing. She said "Okay *long sigh*....you're NOT deaf!...Now can I go outside?"

That's all ..... for now.....