From editor@intst.com Sun Nov 8 18:07:23 1998 Date: Sat, 7 Nov 1998 22:49:23 -0600 (CST) From: The Editor and Chief Reply-To: ati@intst.com To: ati@intst.com Subject: ati152.txt (fwd) Resent-Date: Sat, 7 Nov 98 21:55:44 CST Resent-From: Resent-To: editor@ns2.cross-roads1.com *********************** *HEY HEY HEY; IT'S ATI* *********************** ATI 152. 06NOV98 The Television will Not be ReVoLuTioNiZeD. JINGLING ALONG with Johann Jacovitz JingleSpoofer. When it's time to be hip. One Song stands clear. Year after year, Well, if you've got the hooch. We've got the beer: Olde Hooch beer. Olde Hooch beer. From the makers of Mulder Beer, comes Olde Hooch. If you've got it, we'll do ya... right! "Violence to art reserves a special place in hell." --dante-- TO: Cuando Caliente El Sol. El "Unico" Traduccion Mejor Love all the music with heart That's all the muse wants. Translate the best that you can Or not at all. Just promise me this "Las palabras," From the Spanish To the Anglo o o o... o o o... When you are figurative Or when you're way off Love all the music with heart As if you mean it. Don't give me your HALF- ass translations circ'ml'cutions Love the music Don't be lazy Feel-it-in-your-heart! Don't forget this is art. a A tTTTt IiIiI A A T I AaAaA T I 152!!! A A T I Aa aAtTTTt IiIiI the house that ANARCHY built. th tlvsn wll nt b rvltnzd!!! TAG LINES Not Just For Madison Avenue Anymore. Hello there, Prime Anarchist here. Here's some #'s and then some letters, and then the meaty portion of this gigantic pome we call ATI. ACTIVIST Time to be Illustrious. http://www.etwebs.net/kennyl/ar-to-rs.html http://www.synapse.net/~kgerken http://www.unit.somewhere.net http://www.xs4all.nl http://spin.com.mx/~hugalde/poe-mal.html#ini http://vvv.com/~tommy http://www.dogeatdogfilms.com/message.html http://www.popandpolitics.com/essays/penis.html http://www.ezln.org Our Phemus, Lettuce, Onions and Tobasco section: Dear ATI, if Marco wasn't a droogy- I would asume that ati was the new wave suburban kids making their clockwork punk newstand while cashing in. . .err. . .out on webaritous. Don't get me wrong, marc didn't fill etext.org with 147-151 and I was having activism withdrawl, at least until my boy ric told him that I locked myself into a room and would not come out until I got some ATI- Future wishes, no more hippy stuff (weak poems and crap), 60's are over- peace. . .(is) out. STV-STV-STV-STV-STV-STV-STV-STV-STV-STV-STV-STV-STV-STV-STV ATI Do you accept ads or sponsorship? Thanks for your help. Dave <<<<<<<<<<< NEXXON AUDIO and SECURITY >>>>>>>>>>> Over 2,000 items, 40 brands, Free Shipping, Satisfaction Guaranteed, Major brands, Amps, Woofers, EQ, CD Players, Speakers, Etc. Please visit the website: http://www.nexxon.com [No, but thanks for asking. I'm going to reprint this, including your URL because a lot of other "zineriters" read this zine every week. Perhaps you'll bump into some that ARE commercial. I chose to do this because you seem much more "human" than the average "requester of strange requests, commercial in nature."] S H U T D O W N T H E S C H O O L O F T H E A M E R I C A S !!! SHUT DOWN THE SOA. SHUT DOWN THE SOA. school of the americas. c f h s h e s o a o s l s i n s I'm typing this in from "Cash" Johnny Cash's newest autobiography. I think he's written about 3 of them. page 189 I've also been playing with my Tibetan singing bowl, which has its own wonderful world of sound. It's made of seven different kinds of metals - gold, silver, brass, bronze and metals from the meteorites that land intact on the mountain peaks of the Himalayas, where there's less atmosphere than anywhere else on earth to burn them up before impact. The bowl produces the most amazing variety of sustained, unearthly tones. It comes with an instrument, wrapped in chamois leather, resembling the kind of pestle you use to crush corn or rock salt in a mortar. You rub that around the rim - how fast and hard you rub determines the pitch and intensity of the tone the bowl produces - and then you put your face down into the bowl and listen. It feels like hearing a pipe organ in a cathedral. It's a wonderful tool for taking me to another, more peaceful place. ati@etext.org -- -- th tlvsn wll nt b rvltnzd!!! PO Box 11715 Eugene, OR 97440 isco@efn.org bigmnt@efn.org lpsg@efn.org PRESS RELEASE PRESS RELEASE PRESS RELEASE PRESS RELEASE PRESS RELEASE COLUMBUS ARRESTED AND DEPORTED Eugene, Oregon USA October 12, 1998 Admiral Christopher Columbus, infamous explorer and pillager of already occupied continents, was arrested Monday at the University of Oregon in Eugene. He was charged with aggravated murder, first degree rape, first degree sodomy, kidnapping, theft, fraud, assault with deadly intent, trespass, and criminal mischief when a bystander witnessed the Admiral accosting students, yelling "Happy Genocide Day!" demanding gold and threatening to cut off their hands or abduct and sell them into slavery. "Get outta here with your rotten attitude!" Heckled University students, who tried to chase him away, throwing rocks and beer bottles. Travelling with fencing "Conquistadores", Spanish soldiers in heavy armament, Columbus roared defiantly when confronted by students. "What!? It's MY holiday. Happy Genocide!" Fleeing citizens arrest and assaulting a bus dirver, he was pepper-sprayed by Eugene Police and subdued. King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain were arrested by Customs Agents at the Madrid Airport trying to transport stolen property- gold from Jews and Indians, and could not be reached for comment. Witnesses said Columbus cowered and waived his Miranda rights while taken into custody, muttering about "liberal plots" against him. A search warrant was served on his ship, which was towed by a mountain bike. When searched by EPD several dredlocked EarthFirst!ers were found in the hull and released. "Discovered" in Columbus' ship were ten dozen bars of Black Hills gold, several hundred million board feet of timber stolen from the Willamette National Forest, and a card from a Florence-area developer. Suspicious the Admiral was hording other contraband, the EPD strip searched him and held him at the Lane County Corrections Facility until Friday. Determining that the nefarious colonist suffers from paranoid schizophrenia with delusions of grandeur, Health Officers forcibly administered Halizon, Lane County Corrections officials said. The Conquistadores were arrested at the California-Mexican border by the Mexican Army. Extradited to Mexico City they face similar charges and if convicted, the death penalty by a Mexican Firing Squad, according to an Amnesty International press release. Christopher Columbus was deported by the Immigration and Naturalization Service Friday to Geneva and charged for violating international laws against slavery, torture, genocide and ecocide. He, Ferdinand and Isabella face a United Nations tribunal comprised of Pagans, Jews, Moors, African-Americans and Indigenous Americans. Call (541) 607-7064 or e-mail isco@efn.org for more information. -0- FEAR & LOATHING In Las Vegas will be out Nov 17th for any who missed the Big Picture. [prime note: i did too and i'm ticked.] ---------------------------------- ATI - The Rag Read Round the Earth ---------------------------------- [ed note: the phollowing's a keeper because its beautiful metaphor far outweighs any ethnocentricism involved.] I Want A Loan --by Humor Break (494) An old native American wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are you going to do with the money?" "Take jewlery to city and sell it," was the response. "What have you got for collateral?" "Don't know collateral." "Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?" "Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup." The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?" "Yes, I have a horse." "How old is it?" "Don't know, has no teeth." Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off. "What are you going to do with the rest of that money?" "Put in teepee." "Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked. "Don't know deposit." "You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it." The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for collateral?" Abbie Hoffman Activist Foundation, Inc. Box 908 Murray Hill Station NY NY 10156 I GOT A MESSAGE TODAY, FOLKS, VIA SOME TIN CANS... THEY HELPED ME RECALL THAT IT WAS BEHIND BARS, AMIDST FOUR HUNDRED CONS, THAT I ENJOYED THE BEST THANKSGIVING OF MY LIFE. ME AND THE OTHER GUYS FILED IN FROM THE YARD - THOSE OF US WHO WEREN'T IN SOLITARY - AND LINED UP IN THE DINING HALL. GOING THRU THE CHOW LINE, WE GOT TO TAKE AS BIG A HELPING AS WE WANTED - I GUESS EVEN IN THE CALABOZO WARDEN VIGLIETTA RECOGNIZED THE NEED TO OVERINDULGE ON THAT DAY OF ALL DAYS. PLASTIC PLATES BRIMMING WITH PRESSED TURKEY AND SWEET POTATOES AND GREEN BEANS... AND, AFTER A BRIEF INTERRUPTION WHEN ONE OF THE NEW GUYS TRIED TO LIFT A CLEAVER FROM THE KITCHEN, JOY KING GEORGE GOT UP ON A CHAIR AND QUOTED A PASSAGE FROM P I L G R I M ' S P R O G R E S S. AND THEN, MAN, WE JUST ALL DUG IN. JOY KING'S PUNK, JUNIOR THE WEATHERMAN, BROKE OUT A JUG OF APPLEJACK HE'D BEEN FERMENT- ING SINCE THE FOURTH OF JULY, AND WE PASSED THAT UNDER THE TABLE, SPIKING OUR CIDER WHEN WE WERE FREE OF WATCHING EYES. AND I REMEMBER THAT DOUG HANSON ACTUALLY GOT A LITTLE WACKED ON THE STUFF - STABBED SOME GUY JUST FOR PINCHING HIS YAMS. AND LITTLE BILLY BODNER TRIED TO GET A ROUND OF CHRISTMAS CAROLS GOING, EVEN THOUGH IT WAS A MONTH EARLY. THE MELLOW SWEETNESS OF PUMPKIN PIE OFF A PRISON SPOON IS SOMETHING YOU WILL NEVER FORGET. (excerted (lifted) out of Chris-In-The-Morning) th tlvsn wll nt b rvltnzd!!! ati@etext.org House SPEAKer Leaves SandBOX. (PAWN) Newport, RI - For the first time in 113 years Brutus "Newt" GangReich will step down as BoxSpeaker, saying "I'm not playing any more." Accused of whining, vetting, six of the 7 deadly sins, and now being a quitter, GangReich had this to say. "If we can't play by my rules, the way I want to, with me winning all the time, then I don't want to play," he snivelled snot on his sleeve loudly. He said he's going home to live with his sister. "My sister has a bigger sandbox," said GangReich at an open press conference in Newport, the first in his career. "Anyways, we can make our own rules, and play all day," he said. GangReich will be sorely remembered. HOTEL RESERVATION SERvice FOR MOOSUP TRAVELERS. Moosup, CT (PAWN) Prime Anarchist World News Journalists went to Moosup, Connecticut this week to see the new system. Any business travelers heading to Moosup this winter can take advantage of a free business travel hotel reservation service to find available and comfortable hotel rooms in the downtown business area and the area surrounding Cranberry Navel International Airport. Central rez service can find rooms beginning at $39 and can also find affordable weekend rates for weekend getaways. CRS's toll-free number is 1-800-548-3311 and operates every day from 5:30 am to 9:30 pm. THE sPORTS CoLUMn (SPAWN) Sporty Anarchy Whirled News. [Sporty Anarchy will be writing occasional sports columns for ATI whenever the mood is right (and whenever Ginger is indisposed)] Local newscaster, Heather Hayes, will be dating the single Green Bay Packagers, leaving speculation as to who will service the married ones. Beginning Sunday, Hayes, Green Bay's resident gorgious older babe anchorwoman will broadcast live via webcam from a not-yet-disclosed hotel-room in Pittsburgh. Which single Packager she will date is also as yet undisclosed. Hayes says she will date a different Packager each week as part of her Eligible Bachelors series, and will give live reports of her dating via the webcam as well as day old feeds of play-by-play complete with slow motion and bad 70's wah-wah peddle music. "I'll be the sports version of Anais Nine," said Hayes. Chris Eliot volunteered to interview the married Packagers saying that since the movie "Something About Mary," he's got more access to Brett Fave than even his wife, but NBC26 is just not telling. As soon as this columnist knows which hotel, which Green Bay Packager, and which webpage: you'll hear it here first. --- ATI, the Carnegie Hall of Zines. --- th tlvsn wll nt b rvltnzd!!! http://www.thepentagon.com/primeanarchist "Any fool can use an adjective." -- Alan Kellerman. DePere, WI. GOOD SUGGESTION: A Valued Lesson. a poem by marco Atticus, Thanks for the - Thanks a lot. I'm so grateful. For even just Being there, but, Thanks for the Twelve dollar and Ninety-five cent Spanish lesson. 6 Month Lease another poem by marco My dad was the Apollo of Angio-plasty They do a lot of them now He was number 71 or so in the Country Maybe the world Yale wanted him to write a position paper What it's like to get a new lease on life Thanks to a balloon that ripped through his veins Like a friendlier kind of clot. He declined. He died a week or two later. Waiting for the doctor's OK To begin jogging instead of walking the miles each day. Did we lose our sensibility when we lost Apollo? MORE PARODY: Welcome back my friends To the Song that never ends I'm so glad you could append Listen up, listen up. It's on every radio station. Just like musical masturbation. Hear me, See me, Cheer me, Be me. "No, that wasn't me, I'm the one you've got to kiss to get a ticket." --Robin, a DNA/Fingerprint/VoicePrint analyst for AOL. ATI Carefully made with old fashioned computers, brewed with high fructose attitude, citric acid (provides tartness) and humour (as opposed to humor) Not distributed by Lipton/Pepsi/Nestle. Eaglewood, NJ. Seinfeld was not eaten by a Taco Bell mascot during the making of this issue. Send all contributions to: ati@etext.org Get back issues at: http://www.thepentagon.com/primeanarchist Join the listserv by sending: subscribe ATI to listserv@intst.com As per usual, ends here with a poem, because after it's over, alls we' lef' w/ is the myth. A Haiku Haiku by http://marco.franklins.net for Raysa. Sometimes I write too Many haiku; and sometimes - I Just don't write any. ___________________________________________________________________ You don't need to buy Internet access to use free Internet e-mail. Get completely free e-mail from Juno at http://www.juno.com/getjuno.html or call Juno at (800) 654-JUNO [654-5866] This has been ATI tell your friends