some things were meant to be funny...
                                      

                                                some weren't....


                        but there is a in-between...

        well, we're not the in-between... 


                                                but... we're ...









                          FAHKING FONGU KIDDIEZ!@#% 


            --------+ ,e«$$$$ý$$$$«e, - ,e«$$$$ý$$$$«e,
                      $$$$$$$ $$S""""   $$$$$$$ $$$$$$$ ------+
                      $$$"$$$  ,e«$$$$ý,$$$"$$$ $ý""""'
           c,e«$$$$ý$ $$$$$$$  $$$$$$$ ;$$$$$$$ $ $$$$$$$ $$$$«e,
           i$$$$$$$ $ $$$$$$$  $$$$$$$ ;$$$$$$$ $ $$$$$$$ $$$$$$$
           d$$$$$$$ $ "S$$$$$s $$$"$$$ `"S$$$$$s$ $$$$$$$ $$$$$$$
            $$$"$$$ "S$sss,    $$$$$$$  mmmmmmmmS $$$"$$$ $$$"$$$
            $$$$$$$s ý"""'     $$$$$$$ ssssss,    $$$$$$$ $$$$$$$
----------- "S$$$$$ ---f0ngu---+  --+  $$$Sý"' +- "S$$$$$s$$$$$$$ ---------- 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
°----------------------------------------------------------------------------

What is Fongu? - The immortal question - by eWHEAT jUAREZ

        Many may think it means "Fuck you" in Italian, according to Trip.
I'm not a spagetti beefaroni eatin' greasy haired person, so I wouldn't know
if Fongu really means fuck you, or fungus, hell I don't even know how I came
up with it, maybe I heard it somewhere, or maybe the words came across my
eyes when I jizzed in my eyes after whackin' off on irc. (uh... dont
tell anyone, please... i want to keep my 0-day porn, grr)  Uhh... damn.
Anyways, Fongu in my description is... the ultimate 0-day feeling where you
can just sit and laugh at the world while sniffing your farts from that
big 7-11 Big Gulp you had in the past hour thinking about chinese women
who will scrub your back for 25 cents and maybe comb your hair since you're
probably one of those people that look at the newspaper and see Bill
Clinton's face and think with hate... "God damn multicultural bastard."

        If so... then we phear joo.

        Fongu also is the way of the American life, there was once a time
when the ordinary kid would come home from school and find that his mom had
left Ding-Dongs and a can of Dr. Pepper waiting for him beside to his desk,
for snacks to eat while doing homework... right after school.  But now, the
fucking kid has to come home... after getting beat up by the negros and
chinks on the bad block on the way home... he comes home to find that his mom
stole his weed and replaced them with cigarettes.  "Dammit mom, that was a
fucking Quarter Pounder... not a fucking one dollar fifty cent cigarette
pack... dammit mom."  Fuck homework, I'm gunna go and rob a 7-11 so I can
get money to get a glock and shewt mah mom and buy more weed.

        NO!  NO!  THAT IS NOT WHAT AMERICA IS SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE!  NO!
MULTICULTURAL BASTARDS HAVE RUINED THIS COUNTRY, EVERY KID THAT COMES HOME
SHOULD GET A DING-DONG AND A DR. PEPPER, NOT THIS SHIT.  I OFFICALLY DECLARE
A REVOLUTION AGAINST THE DAMN MULTICULTURAL BASTARDS...

        GO OUTSIDE AND SCREAM "I WANT MY DING-DONG AND DR. PEPPER NOW!  I
WANT MY FUCKING DING-DONG NOW!  NOW NOW NOW NOW!  NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW
NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW!!@#%!@%#  MORE DR. PEPPER
NOW!@#%  MOM!@#%!@#%@!%  NOW!@#%!#%"

        <or i will cut your testicles in half and put your scrotum between
the two nadz and sitch them together then you'll be a phearious curvy dick
dude, phear>
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

        Now, it comes to a vote... yes, that's right you damn longhaired
shame to the white population bitch, you get the right to vote too (God
knows why)  You get to decide what version fongu will be in from now on...
(or until ewheat decides that you've voted really badly and his supreme
rule edits the polls)

Fill out these forms... cut-n-paste, and email it to
               _
              / /\                              -threetea@mcs.net
         _   / /  \
    ,-- / /\/ /    \ -,
    | ,/ /  \/     /  |
,---| \ \        /    |-----------------------------------------------------,
|   `-- \ \    / -----'   vote fongu for prez '00... phear the republic     |
|        `\`*_'                                                             |
|                                                                           |
| eYE iS a 0-DAY bITCH, mAKE iT .EXE                                    [-] |
| eYE iS a lINUX biTCH, mAKE iT .TXT                                    [-] |
| eYE iS a dEWDLEbOYEE, mAKE iT cOLORZ                                  [-] |
| eYE iS a iNTELLIGENT zINE bITCH, mAKE iT nON-c0LORZ                   [-] |
|                                                                           |
| mAH nAME iZ [-----------------------------------------------------------] |
`---------------------------------------------------------------------------'

      a%$"$%a a%$"$%a a%$"$%a a%$"$%a a%s s%a  a%$"$%a a&$ a%$"$%a a%$"$%a
      $$$ $"$ $$$ $$$$$$$ $$$ $$$ $$$$$$$ $$$  ssss$S" "ý' $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$
$$$$$$$"$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $"$ $$$ $$$ $"$ $$$$$$$$ sss $$$$$"$ $$$ $"$ $$$
      $$$ $$$$$"$ $$$ $"$ $$$ $"$ $$$ $$$ $$$  $"$ $$$$$"$ $$$ $$$$$$$ $"$$$$
      $$$ss   $$$ $"$ $$$ $$$$$$$s$"$ $$$ $"$  $$$ $"$ $$$ $$$ $"$ $$$s$$$
      $$$     $$$s$$$ $$$ $$$ ssss$$$ $$$s$$$  $$$s$$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ssss

°--------------osphicial fongu members--------------------------------------°
   

                    c0-ed1t0rz - fahrenhei - ewheat - cidica
          writers - ewheat - fahrenhei - scribble - whtetrash - spook
                artists - fahrenhei - scribble - ewheat - cidica


sorry if i didn't add in your name or whatever... talk to me and yer in
next issue (if you really contribute... monthly)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
u00nGIE b00NGIE PHEAR THIS SPACE... SPEWK GETS A SPACE BEFORE HIS INTERVIEW
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Interview with the Dogfucker------(by spook, the next anne rice, phear)------

*** spoOk (blehman@mail.ee.net) has joined channel #dogsex
*** Users on #dogsex: spoOk @cottonbal
*** Mode change "+o spoOk" on channel #dogsex by cottonbal
<spoOk> lets keep everyone out
*** Mode change "+snti" on channel #dogsex by cottonbal
<spoOk> that's better... now we can do this interview in private
<cottonbal> yeah!
<spoOk> ok.. so what made you come to this channel in the first place?
<cottonbal> well i started fucking my dog rover one day and i decided it was 
            kinda fun... so i wanted to see if anyone else did the same 
            thing.. and sure enough... there were a bunch of people who did 
            it.
<spoOk> and what made you want to start fucking your dog?
<cottonbal> well i think that around the 10th grade i realized that women 
            didn't like me... and i probably was never gunna get laid... so 
            one friday night i was sitting home watching tgif and for some 
            reason i became very arroused by 
<cottonbal> rover... so i thought.. what the hell
<spoOk> hmm.. i see.. and so you still fuck your dog?
<cottonbal> of course.. every night.. sometimes we even do a little roll 
            playing ;)
<spoOk> ah... ok what was the initial reaction of the members of #dogsex to 
        you?
<cottonbal> they were all pretty much in the same boat i was... so they 
            accepted me pretty well..
<cottonbal> but there were a few there that fucked their cats.. ew.. that's 
            just plain sick.. so we kicked them out.. like this one guy 
            MaZtAgEe... ew.. hey kept talking about getting his cat fluffy 
            stuck up his ass...
<spoOk> good move... and at what point did you become an op in here?
<cottonbal> after about the second year they all finally accepted me to the 
            point where they would let me be a part of the 'elite' group of 
            things in there..
<spoOk> ah... how many years ago was this?
<cottonbal> well i was made an op the day i graduated.. sort of a graduation 
            present from the guys... and that was 4 years ago..
<spoOk> oic.. so that makes you what now?
<cottonbal> i'm 22
<spoOk> any hope of getting a place of yer own with rover?
<cottonbal> i hope to soon.. mommy keeps walking in on us.. and <shh> my penis 
            isn't too big so it's kind of embarrasing..
<spoOk> oic... got some money saved up then?
<cottonbal> yeah i've been goin downtown and sucking dick for money for a few 
            year so i have enough for an apartment..
<spoOk> gotcha... what are your future plans?
<cottonbal> well i was hoping to maybe get a couple more dogs, maybe even a 
            female dog (never tried a female dog) and of course the apartment.
            after that i dunno.. i will probably make a living sucking dick 
            for another coupla years... 
<spoOk> ok.. i suppose that's about it... is there anything you wanna say in 
        closing?
<cottonbal> yes.. i am making a liberation movement for human/dog 
            relationships and rights.. just because i fuck my dog every night
            doesn't entitle me to less.. i would like to legalize human/dog 
            marrages as well and give 
<cottonbal> social benifits to married dogs so that we can move in together...
<spoOk> ok.. thanks for your time...
<cottonbal> no problem... bye...
<spoOk> lates..
*** spoOk has left channel #dogsex at 11:30PM

ok.. so that's cottonbal... i hope you enjoyed it!
                                    -spoOk!spook.postmaster.gahanna.k12.oh.us
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
another #ansi flaming article... dont phear.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

°"hEY lOOK AT MAH ELEET VERSION" ----by ewheat/f0ngu dentist----------------°

<DrMAGIK> <BOLD><INVERSE> PHEAR MY SCRIPT, EYE AM GOD.
<Coolio-X> REALLY?  LEMME SEE?
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP DRMAGIK VERSION <-- da b0mb
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP DRMAGIK VERSION <-- da b0mb
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP DRMAGIK VERSION <-- da b0mb
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<DRMAGIK> <BOLD> PHEAR THAT, CTOOLZ AND BITCHX AND LICE WITH ASMODEAN ADD ONS!
<Coolio-X> BAH, THAT'S NOTHING, LOOK AT MINE.
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
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/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
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/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
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/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
/REDIR #ANSI /CTCP Coolio-X VERSION <-- da expl0sion
<Coolio-X> yEZ, PHEAR, BITCHX, CTOOLZ, IRCII, HADES, ZEPHYR, RK.SCR, LEYMHUR,
AND LICE WIF ASMODEAN ADD ONS PLATINUM... phEAR.

°---- -  three words.. . stop it, dammityoufuckersgetafuckinglife -  ------ °
       bE sUPRA eLEET anD rUN lINUX tHEN gET oPZ iN #aNSI
°---------------------------------------------------------------------------°
    :) (====B8  <-- me on irc waitin' for cidica and trip to come on.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Egocentrism - what killed nootropic?-------------by ewheatburglar------------


°----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Step one - The smell of eleetness
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

        Wow... look at all those ppl in #ansi... wow, I wish I could be as
elite as them... wow... oooh... look someone offered thedraw registered...
i wanna be elite like them... /msg eliteman xdcc send #1 ... ahhh yes...
I can feel the eliteness flowing in me... yEZ... EYE CAN FEEL IT! AHAHH
IT'S LIKE HEROIN IN MY VEINZ!  AHHH, IT'S DONE NOW!@#%!@%  EYE AM SUPER
ELITE NOW, I BETTER GO BACK TO MY #BBSWAREZ FRIENDS AND LET THEM PHEAR MAH
DEWDLEBOY SKILLZ, MAYBE THEY'LL GIMME OPZ!?

°----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Step two - The finding of the way to eleetness.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

        WOW, I MADE MY FIRST THEDRAW FONT!  PHEAR MAH ANSI HAXORING SKILLZ!
MAYBE SOME WWIV SYSOP IN MY AREA CODE WILL PUT THEM UP AS HIS WELCOME SCREEN
THEN I'D BE SO ELEET EVERYONE WILL PHEAR MY WORK, LEMME SIGN MY NAME AND
PUT MY NEW AFFIL THAT I MADE UP IN HOPES THAT PPL WILL SEE IT AND BE
IMPRESSED BY MAH ELITENESS...

        THAT STUPID FUCKING SYSOP PUT IT IN THE GOODBYE SCREEN NOT HIS
WELCOME!  IT HANGS UP BEFORE ALL OF THE ANSI IS DISPLAYED, STUPID BITCH!
EYE WILL FLAME HIM ALL OVER WWIVNET AND IRC, HAHAHAH JOOR SCENE LIFE IS DONE
WITH!  ARGH!  LOAD MIRC... DIAL 1-800-WAREZ THAT SYSOP THINKS HE'S SO ELEET,
RIGHT?  WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT, RIGHT.  RIGHT.  OH, GEWD, I'M CONNECTED...
W0RD, EYE GOT OPZ ON #BBSWAREZ, THEY PHEAR ME... HEY EVERYONE!  YOU KNOW
THE SYSOP OF DOG HEAVEN BBS?  WORD, HE SUCKS!  WHAT, YOU'VE NEVER HEARD
OF HIM?  WHY?  YOU LAMERS!  WHAT?  YOU DEOPPED ME?  HUH?  WHY?  HUH?
BANNING ME?  I DARE YOU TO KICK ME... *** Can't join channel : Banned from
channel.  OH YEAH!  FINE!  WHO NEEDS YOU, EYE AM TOO ELEET FOR JOO.  /JOIN
#ANSI... HEY, LOOK AT THOSE COOL KIDS... WOW... ACIDDRAW ONE POINT TWO ZERO!
WOW, /msg eliteman2 xdcc send #1.  W0RD, EYE AM IN ACID NOW!  EYE HAVE THEIR
PRIVATE DRAWING VERSION!  /JOIN #ACID... HEY YOU GUYS, I GOT ACIDDRAW, PHEAR
EYE AM IN ACID NOW... WHAT?  RADMAN?  WHAT?  WHO ARE YOU, RADMAN?  EYE AM
MORE ELEETER THAN JOO, LOOK AT ME DRAW THEDRAW FONTS!  *** Can't join channel
: Banned from channel.  WELL, FUCK YOU RADMAN, WHOEVER THE FUCK YOU ARE.  EYE
WILL KIXOR YOUR ASS

°----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Step 3 - Working towards eleetness.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

        ALLRIGHT, LOOK, IF I COPY THIS ANSI... YEAH, CUT-N-PASTE, GOD,
ACIDDRAW RULES, TOO BAD IT'S CODED BY A BUNCHA LAMERS.  JEAH JEAH,
CUT-n-PASTING, PaSTING, PASTING, cUTTING, CUTTING, PASTING, PASTING... OOH
LOOK ICE FROM 93, WOW, THAT'S ELEET... CUT-N-PASTE, CUT-n-PASTE!  ALT S
SAVE, EL-MYBORD.ANS PWWISH, eXIT aCIDDRAW.  I THINK I'M GOING TO APPLY TO
ELEETMAN'S GREWP, ELEETOMEN, THEY WILL PHEAR.  TELEMATE, 1-800-WAREZ,
CONNECT, bEE-BEWP... eleetman hAXOR RZ EL-MYBORD.ANS IRC eleeTZ irc.cris.com
slash load mirc-look-alike.irc <HEHEHEH THEY'LL THINK I'M A ZERO DAY MIRC
WAREZ COURIER!  HEHEEHHE> SLASH JOIN #ANSI /XDCC OFFER EL-MYBROD.ANS
EVERYONE GET MY ANSI, EET'Z ELEET... iCE/EMIC/ETHIC/APATHY/RILE/ETC RECRUIT
ME NOW, EYE AM ELEET PHEAR MY ANSI DRAWING SKILLZ.  <SENDING TO ELITE2>
YEAH, THATS RIGHT ELITE2, I SHOULD BE IN ICE, BUT I'M NOT... LEMME JOIN
YOUR GREWP... EYE'M IN?  WORD!  ALLWRITE!  LEMME PUT JOOR ELEET GREWP IN
MAH NICK... SLASH NICK elELEET... WORD, PHEAR MY AFFIL NOW!  CAN I BE
A HQ FOR YOUR GROUP?  ALLWRITE, I'M THE NORTHERN HQ!  PHEAR, LEMME PUT MY
AFFIL ON THE #ANSI BOT SO I CAN GLOAT MY PHEARIOUS AFFILS SLASH MSG PHLEGM
INFO ELEETZ OF ELEET, PHEAR MY SKILLZ.  PHEAR  EYE'M GETTING SUMWHERE.

°----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Step 4 - The being there of eleetness...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

        PHEAR, I AM TOO ELEET FOR ELEETGROUP, I QUIT ELEETGROUP, REJOINED,
QUIT, REJOINED, QUIT, REJOINED, QUIT, REJOINED, QUIT, REJOINED, QUIT,
REJOINED, QUIT, EYE AM SUPRA ELITE NOW.  FUCK YOU ALL GROUPS, I AM TOO
ELEET FOR GREWPS... WATCH ME JOIN LEAVE, JOIN LEAVE, JOIN LEAVE ANY GROUP
IN THE SCENE, EYE AM TOO ELEET.  I THINK I WILL JOIN SOME "SEKRIT UNDERGROUND
CANDIAN ANSI GREWP" WHERE I CAN BE THE BEST IN THE GREWP, THEREFORE MAKING
ME LEWK BETTER.  JEAH, LEWK AT ME TAKE ALL THE CREDIT FOR ALL THE TAKEOVERS
IN #ANSI, PHEAR!  PHEAR!  LEWK AT ME!  EYE STARTED OPERATION CHICKEN YEZ
EYE REALLY DID, MAH ZINE SEZ SO!  PHEAR ME...

°----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Step 5 - The acting of knowing it all but really wantin' to stay eleet
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

        Yes... don't talk to me... eye'm too eleet... eye will sell my
board's setup for 900 bucks or 32 megs of memory... because my presence
is too gewd for joo guys, i am therefore removing myself from you all
at all costs... i will stop my zine, and release with mah sekrit grewp
becuz they're underground and yew never check their packs.  phear me...
no, dont talk to me... DAMMIT, DONT TALK TO ME, DONT MSG ME MUDDAFUCKAW
OH, HAHAHA, FUNNY GUY?  MAKING FUN OF ME IN JOOR ZINE?  HARDY HE HAR
THINK JOO ARE SO FUNNY HUH?  WELP, EYE WILL USE MY PHEARIOUS AFFILS TO
DESTROY YOUR LITTLE PEW-NY ZINE... HEY HEY QUIT MAKING FUN OF ME... NOW.
IT HURTZ MAH FEELINGS, bUT EYE AM STILL TEW ELEET FOR JOO, LITTLE BUCK WHEAT
BOY, JOO WILL DIE IN MY ZINE, SOUP FLEW.

°---------------------------------------------------------------------------°
          laugh and_ then all the children will lau _gh at j_oo, becuz it's
      ,-----------' | ,------_  -----,-------------' |___  | `------, not
     [_             ][_       '  |  [_         _     ]   | |        _] nice
-------`-|   -------~  `-|       |    `-|--   | '----~   | |     |-'---------
         |   -|--,   |   |  |    |    | |     |   |      | |     |
3t       |    __ |   |   |  |    |    |-|     |--------, | |     |
-------- |    | `'   |   |  |    |    | |     |        | |-'     | --------- 
       |`     | |    |   |  |    '    |-|      '-|    |'         | to laugh.
        `--___| `--__    `--|         | `---__        |----______'
                     `----' `---------'       `-------'    
  ____________
 |_ __     ___|
(  horserdaish )
 \____________/ ÉÈèHORSERDAISH SAUCE         ?  f0ngu           3t