FREE FOOD
BY: DIzzIE Ó2000

We all need food to live. In the society (commonly referred to as "shitbox" or "hellhole") that we live in now if we don't have money then we don't have food. That is exactly what the government wants us to think! That is how it forces us and makes us go to work, and slave away. But that is wrong! More lies that the government spoon-feeds us. Here are several ways you can get yourself some free grub:

RESTAURANTS
·	Go into any restaurant and order any meal you want. Eat it, then ask for the check. While the waiter is getting the check (usually takes them about 15 minutes) just get up and leave (or you can wait until the waiter actually brings you the check). If you do this at the right time when the restaurant is full (usually Friday and Saturday nights around 6 p.m.) no one will stop you. If for some reason the front way is blocked you can always sneak out from the bathroom window. No window in the bathroom? Then you can go out through the kitchen. If stopped by one of the cooks mutter something about going to see the manager, or say that you're new.
·	Order any meal you want. Wait till it's served to you. Wait until the waiter starts to walk away, quickly put a cockroach or hair, or something of that sort, on your plate. Yell at the waiter to come back. Show him the hair/bug in your food. Refuse to pay for your meal. The waiter will offer you a free meal, if he doesn't, insist that he does or you'll call the manager and the Health & Sanitation Committee. 
·	In self-serve restaurants where you eat first then pay at the exit: just eat all you want and stuff the rest in your pockets. Then either go out through the bathroom window or through the back. You can put on an apron so you wont get hassled by the cooks. 
·	You and your partner should come in to the restaurant (or a Burger King type place), order your food, and eat it. When you are done eating and the check comes start a loud argument with each other, if necessary throw fake punches at one another. You will be asked to leave. So you just got a free meal. If you do this in a Burger-King type place, where you pay before you eat, wait until the food is on the counter, then start the fight, before paying. Don't forget to grab the bag with the burgers as you are being thrown out of the place by the coppers.

SUPERMARKETS
·	Most stores toss out day-old bread, and other baked goods. You can come up to them (the employees) and ask them to give it to you. It helps if you say that you have a large family and you are currently in a "financial struggle." You can also say that you run an animal shelter and want to give the bread to the animals.
·	Most supermarkets offer free samples of new foods on Saturdays and Sundays. You can also ask for free samples of meat at the meat counter. And why not take some fruits that are just lying there in the open, begging to be eaten. 
·	Shoplifting, the 5-fingered discount, permanent borrowing, whatever you want to call it. There are plenty of books and files out there that tell you how to shoplift, so I will just tell you a few key points.
o	Whenever you shoplift make sure no one is watching you, and look inconspicuous, in other words don't look guilty.
o	Don't rush out of the store as soon as you get what you want. Walk around a little bit, and carry a hand basket, placing random items in it.
o	Don't draw any attention to yourself. Be as insignificant as possible.
o	Walk regularly, striiiiiiiiiiiiiiide
o	Dress casually, not like you usually do. Wear long-sleeved shirts to put things in the sleeves, and make sure your pants have plenty of pockets. 
o	Check out the security system of the store. This can be accomplished by going to the manager and asking for a tour of the store. They'll show you all the behind-the-scenes stuff, including the security features.
OTHER
·	Churches, homeless shelters, and soup kitchens offer free meals to the homeless. On holidays such as Christmas and Thanksgiving those places have special meals with lots of food. So dress up like your favorite hobo and stop by your favorite shelter today. Just remember to come early.
·	Get a cardboard box and label it "American Cancer Society" or "First Christian Church." Then go around door-to-door saying that you are collecting foods for the needy. 
·	Walk around town, if you spot any large outdoor parties at a park, with food, just invite yourself to the party. If someone asks you who you are, mutter something about being "John's friend." 
·	Grow your own food. Invest in some seeds and start your own garden. If you know someone who already has a garden wait until nightfall and go to their garden and "borrow" their fruits and veggies.
·	Some hotels offer free breakfast and even dinner (if you live in the hotel). Enter the hotel, take the stairs or elevator up to a higher floor, look around for a room with one of those "do not disturb" signs on it. Remember the room number. Go back downstairs, and start eating. If they come up to you and ask for your room number, just tell them the number of the room with the "do not disturb" sign. Make sure to come early and eat as quickly as you can.  
Most hotels also let you put the price of any meal eaten at the hotel on your total room tab. So just got to a hotel restaurant, tell them to put the food on your room tab, tell them the room number you picked , and you can go to a different hotel every day, and eat a semi-luxurious meal. 
·	If you write to some food companies, praising their food, they will often send you coupons for their-brand free food. To get the address of the company that makes the food you want, look on the box for an address. Make sure to write a nice letter, praising the company and their "fine" products.

-FIN

email me at xcon0@yahoo.com or fax me at 1-559-663-4067