HOW TO SWEAT
A GUIDE TO SWEATING
By: DIzzIE Ó2000!

This little guide will tell you how to sweat. Why would you want to sweat? Well there are many reasons, so I'm sure you could come up with one.
Exercise: Many people sweat after exercising. So go to your local gym and lift some weights, do some jumping jacks, or run for about half an hour on one of those treadmill machines. The more you exercise the more you sweat, and as a bonus you'll be in top-notch shape, so you can beat-up anyone who calls you a looser for reading a phile called "How To Sweat."
Heat: Many people sweat when it is very hot. If you live in a very hot climate such as in Arizona, Africa, Mexico, or another place, you can just go outside and sit in the sun, until the desired amount of sweat is released. If you live in a cold place such as Siberia, Alaska, or Antarctica, or another place, you can go inside, shut all the windows, and turn on the heating, leave it on until the desired amount of sweat is released. You can also go to a sauna or steam room, and stay there until desired amount of sweat is released, or until you faint. You can also go and stand right next to a large bonfire, such a bonfire can be obtained by setting a big house on fire, such as the White House, or your house. If you want extra sweat you can try doing any of those things while wearing warm clothing, such as fur and triple-goose feather jackets, and warm sweat pants, mittens, and a warm fur bonnet (the one with those cute pink bunny ears)…
Sports: If you play active sports, such as basketball, football, Amerikan football, tennis…you will sweat a lot, especially if you run all over the court, and flap your hands like a giant sweating bird of prey. And no, ping-pong doesn't count as an active sport, neither do checkers.
Embarrassment: Many people sweat when they are nervous or when they get embarrassed. So you can go out into a public place, piss your pants, and then announce it, or let somebody notice it, don't run off from the laughter until the desired amount of sweat is released.
Fakery: If the above methods don't work for you, or you are biologically incapable of producing your own sweat, for whatever twisted reasons, you can always take someone else's sweat, by taking all the towels from the guys on the basketball team, and then rubbing them against yourself. You can also just take some water and splash it on yourself. 
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Have fun kiddies!
Email me at: xcon0@yahoo.com